Sadness in Baddies

OK, I know why Fun’s “We are young” bothers me, and no it’s not that I don’t like it because I do! It’s because when it first came on a few years ago, I wanted to fit the lyrics and be young. And now when I listen to it, I realize even back then, when I was longing for that, I did not realize just how much older I was about to get. That’s your depressing entry realization for tonite. LOL. Yes I was just listening to it while typing this haha!

I finally cried tonite after :me and the wife went to bed and I couldn’t sleep so I got up. I watched Anderson Cooper try to read those names out loud for us. He did WAY better than I could have. I think my medicine needs to be upped, on both accounts. I am gonna start taking the full 10mg Abilify tomorrow, but I mean the Elavil too. That’s the one that makes it so I don’t cry all the time. Hmm… could it be from the hysterectomy? I dunno. I think shit is just that bad right now. Not with us, with out there what the fuck? I am broken. I was in the hospital when that guy shot up the elementary school. I was awake and it was on TV, I watched from the break of the story. I remember being shocked about that, sitting in my hospital bed. It’s nothing compared to this. I am sooo glad I was here. I mean not in the hospital or anything. I don’t want to talk out LOUD about it tho. They had a vigil in our city and my mom joked that she was going. My cousins went. I was not allowed. Laura is way to realistic when it comes to this, she ain’t lettin me out of her sight! Gawd I love that woman. She said I am lucky she’s letting me keep my rainbow flag cell cover. Ha. Not funny. Wow. :( I am so very very very sad.

Steph