FFS 'Murica in Vulnerability

I found myself so tired yesterday. I went to write an entry last night and then decided, “Nah, fuck it. I need to sleep.” So I did, and I feel better this morning.

I can only put it down to yesterday being such a mentally draining day, due to the sad news out of Orlando.

Normally these days, whenever I hear of yet another gun-shooting over in the U.S.A, I have this horrible immediate reaction of rolling my eyes. “Oh yeah, ‘Murica, here we go again…“, which is a terrible reaction to have to something like that.

It’s because 20 years ago, Australia had a mass shooting incident in Port Arthur in Tasmania (I visited there a few years ago now), and because of that massacre, our Prime Minister at the time (John Howard) brought in strict gun reform. He had a buy-back scheme where people’s guns were bought and destroyed. To get a gun these days, there is a vigorous process and legally, I believe, guns have to be kept in glass cabinets within people’s homes. I’m a bit rusty on what the laws are, but that’s the last I heard.
Yeah, we had the Lindt Cafe seige here last year where a crazy guy held hostages and killed the manager, and authorities were wondering how someone with a record like his got his hands on a gun, so it seems there are ways around the laws we have, but we have them, and I’m so thankful for that and feel it’s the best thing John Howard did as PM. Just like I think the best thing Kevin Rudd did was apologize to the Aboriginal people. Then we had a moron like Tony Abbott in power to make us a laughingstock, but that’s another story.

I’m not American. I don’t understand why “The right to bear arms” is the SECOND amendment, as crazy as I feel that is. Nor do I understand why the U.S.A. is so influenced by it’s NRA organisation.

Looking at it from my side of the world and how often the media portrays these shootings, I hate to admit that I’m scared to ever visit America. Maybe it’s because I’ve been conditioned over these past 20 years to feel safer from guns. From crazy people getting their mitts on them. And as soon as I’d enter those borders, I’d know that pretty much everyone would have one. To protect themselves. Self-defence. I don’t know if people are allowed to carry guns on their person as they walk around during the day. I would have thought they’d just be in a bedside drawer or something, kind of like they probably were here when I was little. I dunno, I was only 13 when the gun laws here came into effect.

And I try not to let that stupid thought get to me. Yeah, people have guns, but most of them are just trying to live life as decent human beings. Those poor people in that gay nightclub happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but no-one knew that.
It was on my mind all fucking day. Yeah, each shooting that happens is bloody unfortunate, but man it fucks with me mentally when it’s personal.

That could have literally happened anywhere in the world.

I read so many news stories on it. I was on Facebook when the news broke and I found it hard to find immediate information on it, but over the last 24 hours, it came in waves.
Then came all the personal status’ from people. The anger, the hurt, that crying woman who didn’t know if her son was alive or not after he sent her the text messages (then the TV announcer letting us know that he was in fact, deceased).
Then came all the memes and heartfelt words and temporary profile picture changes supporting Orlando. Then the world’s landmarks lighting up their monuments in either rainbow or red, white and blue.
My own city’s Story Bridge was lit up in rainbow again, so shortly after “IDAHOT” (International Day Against Homophobia And Transphobia).

A lot of the status’ I read were from Facebook people angry at the U.S’s gun laws, yet again.
I didn’t share much of an opinion on Facebook about what happened yesterday. It’s all my facebook page was. Whenever I did see a meme of a cute kitty or a bird, I liked it, because it was something so less depressing and angst-ridden.

I was bloody exhausted by the end of the day, and I hadn’t even really done anything. I didn’t even go outside. My mind was on stupid shit like that attack could have been anywhere, to seeing the pictures being released of the victims (mostly Latino’s, since it was a Latino themed night that particular night) and the boyfriend’s who are now going to be buried together. Fuck, talk about emotional!

A lot of cities around the world have held vigils in honour of “the worst mass shooting in American history”. My city’s is tonight. I’m considering taking my rainbow candle that I got down in Nimbin down there. It will probably get heavy to hold after a while, since it’s in a stone base, but I need somewhere for the wax to melt in to. I will be a mess if I go down there tonight to pay my respects. It’s what human’s do. It helps us to cope with the unthinkable, and that’s what has occurred.

There’s other shit on my mind too to do with this. Like the status’ of people who have experienced homophobia just for exisiting, and reminding people that fuckheads like this still exist everywhere in the world. Terrorist groups are throwing gays off of tall buildings, purely out of hatred. The TV media don’t report on that, but social media sure as hell does.
I’m reminded of my own personal experiences with homophobia, from being coward-punched in Sydney, to being called a ‘faggot’ over and over by an iced-up-junkie and then shoved on the Gold Coast when I gave him the finger, to being heckled and shoved here in the Valley, to my own father saying stupid homophibic horse-shit like, “Gays should all be thrown in a room and shot” (when I was like 13) to “Gays are no different to paedophiles and rapists.” (when I was 30).

Hatred still exists. Deep-ingrained homophobia still exists. Everyone knows this by now, but word is that this shooter saw two men kissing and went on a shooting rampage. I’m now hearing that he was actually a patron at that particular club. Who knows.
Homophobia’s fucking scary. It always has been. For someone to have that much hate within because they aren’t comfortable with their own sexuality. If you were comfortable, you wouldn’t have a problem with gays.
That, and God-damn fucking religion. The Family First party candidate in Tasmania (Peter Dutton, for those playing along at home) here wrote a tweet saying that despite what happened in Orlando, children are still in danger from the same-sex marriage proposal.
Yep. What a fucking vile bastard. And that’s what we have wanting to run our country. Personally, I wish people like that were in the firing line at Port Arthur.
Not these poor patrons out having a good time and being themselves.

i hate saying shit like that, but I am still so god-damn angry.

I quite enjoyed this article too. Pretty spot on.

What the FUCKING hell is wrong with the world?

Also, ‘Murica, fix your fucking gun laws. Then you might be the land of the free.

Last updated June 14, 2016