Mind Tank in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

My mind is entirely on the Fritz today. Case in point… I’m going back and forth about the capitalization of the term “Fritz” right there. Granted, “Fritz” is a name but in the colloquial usage of “on the fritz” are we referring to an individual as general (Kleenex instead of Facial Tissues) or is it a word that exists on its own? GOOGLE SEARCH: dictionaries and wiktionaries and the like are no help on origin and etymology but they DO say I should use the lower case f. My mind is entirely on the fritz today.

I’ve done trials, I’ve done disgruntled phone calls, I’ve done filings, I’ve done hearings and plea signings… I’ve even done research enough to slam dunk a Motion Dismissal. Defense demands a dismissal of the case as Police Officer offered a breath test, defendant agreed to take one… then refused… then asked for one again. Officer decided he didn’t want to keep playing the “Get out the test, defendant refuses, put the test away, defendant demands” game. Defense is demanding a dismissal because the defendant has a right to that breath test. All I had to do was actually read the law… surprise surprise. OLD VERSION: Sub 3- “the peace officer shall inform the person that the person may have a chemical test.” In legal terms we call that a Shall/May issue. The officer SHALL (must) inform the person MAY (not a right). NEW VERSION OF LAW: Sub 4- “the peace officer shall inform the person that the person may have a chemical test.” In legal terms we call that a Shall/May issue. The officer SHALL (must) inform the person MAY (not a right).

So… while there are still seven LARGE stacks of paper on my desk (seriously… it looks like several briefcases exploded on my desk)… I think it would be inaccurate to say that I didn’t work hard today. But that is part of my issue. My ignorance and inexperience whisper that I’m not doing enough, I’m not learning fast enough, I’m not growing professionally. Stupid… inner voices.

But that isn’t why I’m here again (2nd time today). I’m here to stay awake. Because… yeah. Every time I turn my neck or move my body its like Chinese New Years just “pop pop pop pop pop pop pop pop”. And… while I could (maybe should) spend my last hour here going over all of my loose paper and organizing it and labeling it and putting it in a pretty place… I’m also to the point where I think WHY? Why do that? I can do that tomorrow during my 8 am to 5 pm (plus extra) day of Office and Paperwork.

And then comes the worst mental part of things lately. As I wrote in my previous writing today my physical pain, my tiredness, and my stress are CERTAINLY catching up to me. And it puts me in a traditionally depressive state. Not that I’m actively depressed but the cognitive elements of lack of concentration, slowness of thinking, difficulty in finding joy or appreciation in things … yeah. Because… there is a part of me that wants to go home and watch TV. There is a part of me that wants to go home and exercise. There is a part of me that wants to go home and do dishes/laundry. There is a part of me that wants to keep unloading boxes and try to get the home office closer to being done. There is a part of me that wants to rearrange the 3 Season Room to start making it into the Exercise/Retro Gaming room. But… all of those combine don’t create a majority vote. The majority vote inside my body right now is absolutely being held by “Go home, eat a sammich, go to bed.”

Because of my mindset and because of the primary news out there right now… I thought I might venture into getting myself into a spot of trouble. Hooray! I want to pointlessly ramble about Wealth and how Comparative Wealth is such a big deal. And… since my mind is a bit whacko coo coo bananas right now, I’ll likely get sidetracked a lot.

Some Personal History For Fun (because it relates)… and many regular readers probably have heard a lot of this before.
My father and mother came from very different lives in many ways. My dad had (what would now be considered) a typical rich kid upbringing. His father worked for The Family Business (worked hard but still) and had many influential and important friends and Captains of Business and Industry would often join the family for dinner. My father and his brother didn’t go to private school, but spent their summers at Wakonda Golf & Country Club swimming, playing golf, going shooting, and taking vacations to Canada as a regular thing with nothing particularly strange about it. My mother, on the other hand, came from a hardworking newspaper man and his homecraft wife… Grandma was Etsy before Etsy, lol. They had four daughters and never had a lot of money. So… Dad grew up wealthy, Mom grew up struggling. They met, fell in love, got married… blah blah blah.

I would never claim that I grew up poor. I would never claim that I grew up rich. But I know people who would rush to say that I grew up rich. And I know people who would rush to say that I grew up poor. Comparative Wealth.
When I was born, my parents were living in a small 3 bedroom home in a rough part of a big city on the Mississippi River. I had to share a room with my brother. It was the 1980s so while video game systems did exist, we didn’t have any… we played with Dad’s old blocks and wooden trains. When I was 5, we moved. We went to Des Moines, got a 3 bedroom home and lived comfortably. Of course, Dad was always stressed because it wasn’t the standard of living he had grown up with; but Mom was always calm because it was at or better than the standard of living she had grown up with. As a child, I was mostly just happy to be in a home where we could get a dog, I could see my parents, and we were within easy walking distance of a park.

Then… social interactions began to determine my views of where we lived on the Wealth Meter. My father would still honor his family obligations and drag all of us to the Old Family Parties each Christmas. A sort of social tribute to the influence his father had once possessed. So we would regularly be brought to homes worth several million dollars and “rub elbows” with finely dressed, powerful and wealthy. And I always hated it. Yes, there was some hate that the house was larger or prettier or had better stuff. But what I really hated were the kids. All of the kids of these rich aristocratic parents were shitty little monsters. No sharing, no manners, no asking. It was take. It was mine. It was now. And I hated it.

But… when I went to the home of my biggest bully in school… he was certainly not as well off as even my family. A somewhat rundown home where the (extraordinarily) young mom slept on a pull out sofa in the living room as the two children got the only two bedrooms. But I didn’t feel sympathy or empathy or pity for my bully. I realized something else. The rich kids seemed like accidental assholes. I was thrust into their world and they wanted to keep it theirs. With my bully… he was going out of his way to assault and pick on me. Because he was bigger. Because he was less satisfied with his life. Because he had issues at home. That’s how I saw it. That’s how my tiny little child brain looked at it.

And growing up, I had friends on all sides of the matter. But Miraz and Nikoli is probably the best story. I had long been a friend of Miraz because he was a little larger, soft spoken, shy, liked to read. I would often be chastised during recess because I would rather read than run around pointlessly. So we became friends. However, Miraz had known Nikoli for much longer and they were close as well. No worries, Nikoli lived close to me. Their home situation was a little less “stately” than ours; but the whole neighborhood had pretty much the same economic standing. I didn’t see why Nikoli continually acted jealous and upset that Miraz and I were becoming friends. Until I visited Miraz at his parents’ home. His father… was in Oil. Just to throw that out there. The house was surrounded by acres of forest (that the family owned) and the basement was larger and more luxurious than my entire home. It was beautiful. The Television was larger than my Dad’s car. The parents’ bedroom had its own connected bathroom… and that bathroom had a giant jacuzzi/tub. THIS is what I wanted. It wasn’t the Old Family kind of wealth that developed little asshole children… it was the New World kind of wealth that meant every room was large, beautiful, functional and usable. I loved it. And it made sense why Nikoli tried (at every turn) thereafter to get Miraz to stop being my friend. It was Nikoli’s escape from mediocrity… he attach himself to Miraz and Miraz’ family… appear to be the only friend, the only person that actually cared… and he wouldn’t ever have to worry about anything again. Hell, I’m not even angry that Nikoli was ultimately successful.

But that was my SOCIAL connection to wealth and comparative wealth. Then we have the FAMILY still. My family (me, mom, dad, bro) were living well, but not extravagantly. We didn’t take amazing vacations, we didn’t have the newest or best, and every few months or so Dad would be absolutely stressed out about money. Frankly, I knew we were Middle Class but I was never sure if we were Upper, Lower, or true Middle.
Meanwhile… my Dad’s brother makes it huge. 7 million dollar salary, working out of South America one year, Asia the next. Remodeling his home every 8 years. BUT his kids weren’t like Old Money asshole kids or like Miraz. It’s obvious now but… they were my cousins. Yeah, they got to have a live-in House Manager (cook, clean, etc)… but they didn’t expect other people to have that. Yeah, they had access to a private jet… but their parents would make them take regular airlines a few times a year. They were wealthy but they were wisely brought up. Yeah, I’m always going to be a little jealous that they had the money to (and actually did this) have a Balinese Meditation Stand flown in as a decoration for their Swimming Pool. I’m a little jealous that they got to attend the same school as Tom Hanks’ kids and that they were able to attend the 1994, 1998, 2002 Winter Olympics; and the 1992, 1996, 2000 Summer Olympics. I mean… honestly… these kids grew up with HUGE advantages and HUGE opportunities… but they were raised as people… they were always taught that their wealth was a GIFT and a BLESSING. Yeah, hard work helped… but there were a lot of people that were working hard that would never enjoy the benefits that they were receiving. And so that’s why those kids grew up to be outstanding people. They didn’t get to grow up wealthy “because they deserved it”… they grew up wealthy because they were fortunate.

I got off on a tangent. Anyway… while my Dad’s only brother hit it BIG wealth wise… my mom’s sisters did not. Bad marriages, poor investments… visiting my mom’s side of the family would sometimes be honestly uncomfortable. Because the homes were always in strife. The parents and the kids would always be screaming at each other.

AND that taught me something important, too. When resources are abundant… what Story Books say “is most important” gets the focus. When resources are scarce… survival kicks in and it isn’t about “Grooming the next generation” but merely “teaching them to get by.” Ultimately… my experiences in this regard are why I am the way I am politically.
There are shitty, lazy, horrendous people who have (and will have, and will always have) more money than they could ever spend.
There are wonderful, amazing, and caring people who have (and will have, and will always have) more money than they could ever spend.
There are shitty, lazy, horrendous people who don’t have (and will never have) enough money to get by.
There are wonderful, amazing, and caring people who don’t have (and will never have) enough money to get by.

Wealth, in many ways, is random. Because all of the people out there saying “Wealth is created by hard work.” Really? Put Bill Gates, one of the wealthiest men in the world, and take his skill set back just 100 years ago… still wealthy? How about Steve Jobs? Would he have been considered a genius revolutionary with the same skill set if he were in Spain 1309? Silly hypotheticals with no real way of answering them. But… think about your passion… think about your talents. Chances are better than good that there is a place in a time period where those talents and those interests may have been much better rewarded.

Money… wealth… isn’t THE CAUSE of bad people or bad situations. PEOPLE… it always has and always will come down to PEOPLE. How we treat each other… where are priorities are… what we honestly put our energies into. PEOPLE. That’s the wellspring of hope, the cavern of darkness and everything in between.