karlye depression jealous. wanting to be someone else. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

ya know. Back when I was in elementary school before i understood things the way i do now.and also before i knew what had happened. also it hadn’t happened then. I wanted to be karlye. She had everything it seemed. she had this big house she had 2 dogs and her mother far as i knew left her alone.
and i don’t think.people left me alone. not in the omygod-you’re-annoying-me-go- away type of way they do now. no but........well i don’t think the students left me alone. no in the they.weren’t nice to me way. this is, really hard to talk about. and i think partially cause i’m not in a better place w/ it. um. and I think maybe that was the problem was that her mother did leave her alone. i remember seeing her mother at school maybe once.or twice. she was a classy put together lady didn’t seem particularly loving or warm. I only saw the inside of their house i never from what i recall spent any time there nor she at mine. I don’t know that she told me, about things between her and her mother. so ya know. I only knew part of it part of how things were.
A lot of the students that went to that school were low income. and there’s nothing wrong w/ that. I remember one guy.........and god i can’t believe i’m actually talking about this..... he lived w/ his grandmother. or he visited her a lot. and another guy i think had been abused. all i know was what i saw.
karlye, myself and a few other people weren’t low income. But I don’t remember the other students not being nice to her. and yet they were to me. they might’ve been jealous of me like i.was jealous of her. But the difference.is that i was nice to her. now I’m not always a nice person but people have described me as ‘sweet’, over time.
and i think although I didn’t understand it at the time.I wanted them to leave me alone. one of the principles didn’t do much about it. yeah and that’s the sad part is maybe they should’ve. However later in life from what I’ve read online he, well he went through his own hard time. and maybe he’s looked back and is like ‘damn if only.........maybe this thing wouldn’t’ve happened to me’. or maybe he hasn’t i really don’t know. but either way i don’t think he was right for the job.
anyway so karlye. had depression as I learned later on. and here’s the thing. some people often think...........well when someone’s really depressed they.don’t have the motivation to do anything at all. well but........she must not have been since she had the motivation to do what she did to um.leave. of her own accord. She could’ve made, a thousand other choices but no.she choose that one.
I don’t accept, that the people who weren’t nice to me don’t feel bad about it. i mean i do whenever i’m not nice to someone i feel bad about it. But, ya know. Some people change and some don’t. and sometimes we like that and sometimes.we don’t. and, ya know. just like w/ the evan situation. we can either let go or be dragged down there’s not really an in between there.
I bring this up bc. on a recent survey i took there was a question of have you ever wanted to be someone else or something. and yes yes i have. i wanted to be karlye well what i knew and saw. as i’ve mentioned earlier.
and, there was someone else........there have been a few people all girls. They had it all and that’s what i wanted. I wanted to be that pretty popular one. not popular but er well known. But the thing about 2 of them 1 who i’ve already mentioned. is they had some dark stuff going on. the other well i knew her in middle school. god that was a long time ago. and again she had everything. well apparently she also had anorexia. No one talked much about that at the time. i mean in general. they also didn’t talk much about periods and stuff they thought the pain i was having from um that was something serious. when it was just pms and stuff. yeah people can be pretty ignorant.

um well guess that’s it.