Verbal Vomiting of the Last Few Months in Torridaussity Two

So I haven’t written in forever although I do keep up with all of you. I will do separate paragraphs on the main topics I need to update.

First the evil pastor now ex-pastor. She managed to drive several people away in her 8 months here and really make our church family suffer. She basically blackmailed the church council to get her to leave. She said you will pay me and do x y and z or I won’t leave. Well the council who looked out for the best interest in the church gave her what she wanted. She made me cry so much over her time here and made my heart ache for the people she caused to be hurt. I do not know how she can call herself a pastor or even Christian. We now have an interim Pastor and I have only met him once and I do not know how I feel about him, but he already has said things that make me feel better about the future.

Work is work, my client that was physically aggressive had shown some improvement, but is now regressing again. She has a new BSC and the woman is clueless. I am happy to say I will have 30 hours a week in the summer most weeks instead of 18 like last year so that will help me not go much further into debt. I will say I am beginning to plan a career change I don’t know to what or how, but I know I need a change with better pay.

You all know I was in a wedding and then I actually did a marriage ceremony for my friends who were legally married by a judge because of military orders being changed and what not and I was in charge of throwing a baby shower for one of my best friends and that was crazy hard because she has several health issues complicating the pregnancy, allergies that made food planning hard and was in a city I knew little about to find a place, but that went off without a hitch, but those things kept me very busy over the last few months.

Love life…I can’t remember what I wrote, but if you remember I was torn up over AJ and his lack of acknowledging the painting I made him and then how he didn’t speak to me for a month. He apologized profusely and we talked and he told me he loved me and then went straight back to the same stupid crap he had been pulling. He I can say may love me, but not the way I deserve. In the meantime I never closed off my other options because I knew deep down he doesn’t truly care and I met Richie. We have been talking for 2 months as of yesterday. At first I was super excited, but he doesn’t seem to want to move things forward and that is crazy for me to say because I like to take things slow. He is 5 hours from me as opposed to AJ all the way in Ireland lol. Sometimes he is so sweet and other times he shows signs of little to no interest and with my low self esteem I need to see and hear interest. I am waiting till after tomorrow to bring up how he views where we may be headed because tomorrow is my birthday and in case it is bad news, I don’t want to hear it before my birthday.

My birthday has me very emotional as it is a pivotal reminder that I am another year older and no closer to finding the love of my life and getting married and having babies. I see all my friends getting married and having babies seriously at least 8 of my friends are having or have had babies this year and I have 3 weddings I was invited to let alone the ones I know of. I have been so emotional I cry over everything including the Sunday I had a break down in front of the Sunday school class I was teaching and had to run out of the church crying. I know I can and do find happiness in my life as it is, because I would be a mess if I didn’t it is just this milestone that brings up the passing of time and what I am missing. I am going to be an emotional mess tomorrow because I will be upset when AJ doesn’t even wish me a happy birthday, when those people who I am not close to do, and when my day is over and I can see how blessed I am despite what I don’t have. Hope you are all well. Thanks for reading.