Terrified in Inside My Head

I’m pregnant again. I don’t know why, but I had a feeling that I was. I used an old pregnancy test that I had. There was an incredibly faint second line that could only be seen in certain light. I thought it may have been an evaporation line so I rechecked this morning with a brand new pregnancy test. I saw a second line right away. Not as dark as the control line, but it was definitely there. In a borderline unethical move I used a blank prescription and ordered myself a serum hcg. The results came back at 113. I’m on the 27th day of my cycle and 13 days past ovulation. This beta hcg wasn’t as low as my first miscarriage (65 which dropped to 54), but not as high as with Sam, which was 440. I have a terrible feeling it’s not a viable pregnancy. The beta is low. I’m getting mild intermittent cramps on my right side and now I’m having a premonition that its going to be an ectopic pregmancy. I’m getting a repeat beta on Wednesday and then calling my OBGYN.

I want to cry. My frozen embryo transfer has already been pushed back to July and if this turns out to be another blighted ovum or an ectopic pregnancy I now just pushed it off for another several months. The clinic was nice enough to donate the meds to me and saved me $2500 but they won’t let me keep them if my cycle is going to be pused back that long.. I don’t know why I even attempted to try to get pregnant this cycle; I didn’t think it would work. I haven’t used birth control since we brought Sam home. I stopped exclusively breastfeeding at 6 months and we have been actively trying for awhile. Sam will be 18 months old soon.

So now I’m pregnant and terrified that I’m going to go through a repeat of my miscarriage in 2014. I cannot go through this again.

Last updated June 06, 2016