2014 in All Good Things

Usually I love new year. It's my favourite holiday, the only one I actually like. It's always been kind of sacred to me.

Not so much this year. This year I didn't even care. I just lay on the sofa watching season one of Supernatural (which I've never seen before - how did I not know there was such an amazing show? [and how gorgeous is Dean!]) and closed the windows when all the fireworks started at midnight because they were drowning out the TV.

Will's in Hong Kong. Other than his week in Florence while I was away in the summer, it's his first trip abroad for nearly a year. I don't remember the last time I had the house to myself. Sometime in 2012, I imagine.

I leave in six days. After looking forward to it so much, I no longer want to go. I want a LIFE, damn it. One that I'm actually here for. A life where I can meet up with people and join things and turn up every week and make plans and be here to carry them out. A life where I'm not constantly leaving, always being somewhere else. Away.

I haven't had a life like that for years and years and years. Not for a decade, at least.

I miss people.

I'm gonna have a good time this year. I'd bloody well better. At least - thank heavens - I won't be doing steno for much of it, and hopefully by the latter part of the year the steno will be over forever and ever and ever. I never want to step into another courtroom. Ever. Again.

I don't want to leave. I'm not ready to go. To lose...

I shouldn't be in such a bad mood. There's no call for it. My life is so much better than it was this time last year and I have nothing but amazing and wonderful adventures ahead of me. I should be really happy and excited.

I want to enjoy 2014.

I want to.....live.....it.