Mama help me in Random Thoughts

Slightly explicit content in italics later on

Just another song lyric, revisiting a 1990 album i discovered at the beginning of my (first attempt) at college in 1995. Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians, Ghost of a Dog. It’s lifting my mood, as was the end of my school day. Half my last period was gone because of scheduling changes. The two girls i had cleaned and we chatted. The highlight of the conversation was me telling them about how some religions believe that the self, or soul, or whatever your inner true-ness is, believes that your body is just a temporary place and that you will find yourself somewhere else.

It’s been a tough week. After Monday and the leftover strangeness and emotion, things got better. It started with a date on Monday with Izak. I carried all the heaviness and emotion with me, forewarned him. Izak was sweet and said he wanted to experience me in all my seasons. We met for tea and almost as soon as we started talking, i told him how the malaise started with knowing i would never marry Jamie and that i feel that no one would never want to marry me or be excited to have a child with me. I cried and cried, knowing that those emotions are leftover from a traumatic child and early adult hood. Logically i know this is not true, but its hard to heal from such deep wounds. We walked afterwards and then he introduced me to his house (but not mates, they were not home).

And what i really wanted, cuddling. We fit together so well. We both have similar experiences with our love of the extra sensory. We lightly touched one another all over. It was not overtly sexual, nor covertly really. But i could tell our bodies enjoyed it, i felt his erection and could certainly tell my lady bits were reacting. (i was incredibly wet!). I left in time to get home by 9, i was tired.

So, we made another date. This Friday he will be making me dinner. I really look forward to our company together. I don’t know how i feel about him, its hard when i am so consumed by my passion for Jamie. But, i really enjoy our energy together, i feel incredibly comfortable with him, and we have plans to see plays (which i am very happy about!!)

The week kept getting tough at work, but i don’t feel like i am complaining a lot. Just that it is sufficient to say that this has been the toughest end of the school year i’ve ever had.

So, when i got home Monday night i heard from Kyle, a gentleman i had been chatting with and had coffee with once. He is a techie, handsome, fit, a musician whose been playing in bands for 20 years, about 7 years older than i. We met on a kink website, which is where i almost never meet people. I saw him play music last Saturday night and his band was tight! We hung out a little afterwards, but i left because i was tired (and because he is in a marriage which is leading to divorce and i know he had neighbors there to see him play). I read our messages and its hilarious. We don’t write more than one liners to one another,

K- “You looked really sexy last night.”
Me- Aw. Shucks.
Me- Its one of my favorite thrift store finds, that dress.
K- You did
Me- And, thank you
K- You have lovely breasts
Me- I do love them
K- Me too!
Me- You make quite a handsome figure on state
Me- And off it
K- Thank you.
K- I’d love to run my tongue along your breasts
Me- I am sure you and i would both enjoy that
K- I think we would!
K- And run my tongue all down your body.
Me- I adore the sensory experience.
K- So do i
K- Very much like to feel your body
Me- Want to make plans?
K- I’d love to

Funny thing about him and i, we’ve never had any sexual encounters. So this was our first negotiation. We were going to meet Tuesday, honestly i was surprised that we even made plans. It’s been a month or two since we had coffee. I was also surprised about how matter of fact and to the point i was about just outright asking if he wanted to get together.

Kyle cancelled our plans (he was going to come to my place) at about 3 pm Tuesday and i was surprisingly disappointed. I was getting excited about meeting him. I find myself quite attracted to Kyle. So, hopefully next Tuesday will work for him. I am curious and imagining what kind of relationship we will have (i don’t mean emotional). I know he is very attracted to me, and i don’t know how much sex he has been getting outside his sex-less marriage. It could be a whirlwind of sexual energy, which i am really looking forward to. Kind of taking place of Dios’ place in my life sexually.

Well, i have been just typing away to take up time. I have a nap a-waiting in my bed before today’s massage.

Last updated June 01, 2016