Snark Files: Year End 2013 in Snark Files

A little end of the year snark…

On Being Tired “It will be nice to have a day off. I am so tired.” I wonder what made you tired. The one day your worked last week? The three day weekend? Leaving early yesterday? Only having one more day to work this week? Or maybe it was riding my ass to do your job for you. (My brain to my coworker)

Here’s the deal: Everyone is tired of something. I am tired of kids being in the office and bouncing balls off of a shared wall. I am tired of people on facebook trolling for sympathy because they are tired/poor/hungover/have a sniffle/what-fucking-ever have you.

Sports Records

Unless a player has played the same number of games in the same amount of years and under the same conditions as the record holder before them, it doesn’t fucking count.

Oh, you have as many wins as that guy? Well here’s the deal, That Guy played without padding and a mask in half as many years as you have played. You have twelve foot pads, a state of the art mask, and play every other day, so screw you.

The Organized Busy Bee

Usually I am not one to call someone out so pointedly, but OrganizedLikeJen/TheBuzyBeeBuzz/MyHousewifeLife etc. is beyond annoying. A wannabe guru, she has her hand in everything and is a guru in nothing. Organization is not throwing shit into a bin and labeling it “Shit I threw in a bin”. Buying all the same shit as your favorite beauty gurus does not make you a beauty guru. There is no such thing as an Original Content Creator. And what you are using “creating” very liberally as well. And you have no idea what “original” is. It should not take a person three hours to create a two paragraph blog post. One should not have to use three eyeshadow palettes to get one look. The idea of a palette is that you have all you need in one compact. For an educated person, she cannot pronounce a lot of trivial words. And for someone who spends hours editing, why does she not cut the footage of her dog drinking water? I sort of wish Tosh would do a spinoff show of just her videos alone.

Confessions 2013

1. I don’t like Beyonce. Her music sucks and she is gross to look at.
2. I have never read nor seen anything to do with Harry Potter.
3. Rhianna competes with Katy Perry for the worst voice ever.
4. Canada attacks the rest of the world with shitty singers (Bieber, Dion, Nickleback, Avril Lavigne)
5. As many Canadian hockey players that I adore, I always root against them in any sort of world hockey event. Sorry Canada, you are pricks when it comes to bragging about hockey.
6. I don’t understand the allure of country music. How does one make a song about a red plastic cup and make millions? That is seriously fucked up.
7. I dislike YouTube videos if even one little thing annoyed me.
8. I take my phone into the bathroom at work and sit on the floor and play a game just to “get away”.
9. I put things in the shred bin that don’t really need to be shredded, I just don’t want anyone else to see it. And I suspect that the one creeper in the office goes through the recycle bin.
10. One day I am going to snap and tell everyone on facebook what I really think of them.