end of a friend in After OD

I’m overwhelmed with sadness right now.

I’ve been thinking about friends. One in particular is in the process of pushing herself away from me. It’s heartbreaking. The worst part is that she’s done it before. Knowing that, I should have been prepared, but it still hurts. The thing is, she’s not the only one. There are others who have simply removed themselves from my life. Why? Am I such a terrible friend? Such a bad person to associate with? Am I simply not good enough?

These are people I have loved and cared for deeply. People I considered family. Some have just slowly drifted away, but when I tried to make contact they were resistant. Another has made herself unreachable in any shape or form. I used to send cards, make calls, and write e-mails, never getting a response. Now all the contact info is outdated. Occasional google searches simply turn up documentation of a bankruptcy a few years old.

I’m sure in most cases this distance isn’t really about me. It’s something about them. It doesn’t hurt any less though. I’m still left in the dark with a hole inside.