Down, Down, Down - 31.12.13 in Your Face

The funeral was this morning. I cried like a baby. Finally got to cuddle my Heslop. His mother was only 60, so young. I still can't believe it.

I'm angry with my husband for not communicating with me. He's never on Yahoo, doesn't reply to my Skype messages or emails. Doesn't answer my phone calls. He is always like this, but it is really on my nerves right now. I am sick of waiting, sick of being broke because I'm supporting the two of us. Sick of making excuses for him, of feeling used. I'm really running out of strength and I don't even know if he realises it.

I'm not ready to give up on us, but I am ready to give up on this bullshit situation.

I can't afford to send money this week because my car repairs will cost a bomb. I told him 2 months ago that I couldn't afford to keep forking over more than half of my wage to him. This is not a surprise, and yet I feel positively awful about it.

I'm so worn down: physically, emotionally and financially. I've given everything and I get nothing at all in return. Where is the line? I love him, I have no doubt that he loves me, but I feel USED. What exactly is M contributing to this partnership? Absolutely nothing.

I just don't know the way out of this. I need guidance, divine intervention, some sort of lightbulb moment.

I just need something to happen. I am a firm believer in taking steps to change your life if you're not happy with it. I thought we were doing that. But what can I do now? What am I not seeing? External advice is sought here.