Nope in Everything Else

I feel like this is going to be one of those weeks where I am not fit to be around other humans. Or perhaps other humans are not fit to be around me. I could be wrong, although that doesn’t happen often.

I don’t hate work days. I only hate the ones where…

• There are people I don’t like at work
• There are unanswered questions
• Coworkers bring their children with them for the day (seriously!)
• I have nothing to do or I have to wait to get the things I need to finish a job from someone else

I am so tired of email. What’s worse is when you unsubscribe from a site and they send you a fucking email telling you you are unsubscribed. The fucking website already told me that, but thanks for yet another unwanted email. Asshats.

This isn’t even hormonal! Well it could be, who knows how the human body decides to work. I don’t think it is hormonal though. I have another couple of weeks before I become fully a hormonal homicidal person. No, this week I think it is a bit of burnout from work and life in general. The last month has been a total shit show and I am fairly certain that the next two weeks are going to be one giant pile of paranoid anxiousness for me. I will be needing a few days off at some point this month and possibly a couple next month as well. I will have to strategically plan those.

My sister called me on Friday night to ask how many packages I had sent to her. We were on the phone for over a half an hour and she did all the talking and talked about shit I don’t care about. She asked me when I was coming to visit and I told her that I didn’t know because, well I don’t know. I told her that things were really up in the air at work with job changes and such. I was trying to tell her about my situation and she was checking the fucking t.v. guide. I am in the middle of my tale of woe and she pipes up with…“Ooh there’s another Death in Paradise on”. She does not care about me or what is happening in my life unless it involves her. Sigh. My own flesh and blood sister has no time for her only sibling. Also, I don’t really want to go visit any time soon. I love them, but spending a week with them and having no escape sounds more like being sent to a prison camp than a vacation. Plus, Mom is going in a month…they will be fine not seeing me for a while.

I spent some much needed time last night just reading. I turned everything off and just read my book. It was so nice. I wish I could have done that today. Just locked myself in my room with the windows open and surrounded in blankets (it is snowing today…May 9th) reading my book. Alone, alone. Nobody to ask me questions, nobody to “check in” with. Nobody but me.

Well nothing else to report. Just waiting for the rejection so the two months I will need to get over my disappointment, and slowly realize that ultimately I will be happier in the end, can begin.