fukin dentist. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

sorry. my dentistis a perfectly nice person.

right so i went to the dentist last Thurs. and it was.i mean it was ok. they think i haven’t been brushing since they last saw me but I have been.no and that’s literally what they asked me to do. is to brush my teeth. and that’s what I’ve been doing.and if they want me to do more then they need to state that. even though i know i need to hear those things.like i need to actually physically hear those things. but if they don’t believe me then ok.i don’t have that much to prove. i know i’ve been doing it and that’s enough for me. probably not for them but........
so that’s my first issue. My 2nd is they think it’s the lady’s fault she hasn’t helped me brush. um no it’s mine. also i’m not 2 and i don’t need someone doing that. I’ve never talked to her about it.and for that v. reason. and also things are going so well between us that........if it’s not broken. i’m not going to be the one to break it.well w/ her and i. She always asks how it went right when she pickes me up and i say good or ok. and that’s it. nothing more is said about it. the hygenist is like ‘maybe you could talk to them about it’ and i’m thinking ‘you know i’m not going to right?’. like cause i won’t.not about that. no and i know damn well it’s my responsibility to. it seems like it’s more mine than hers. if i haven’t done something the lady.usually doesn’t bring it up.which is what i like actually. So before that the hygenist asks if I had talked to them about it and i’m like ‘no’ ‘why not’ ‘i don’t know........’ no i just don’t want to talk to someone who’s going to, you know.do something about it. and waste my time by telling me something i already know or telling me the same thing yet again. that’s my way of avoiding a conversation. they’ve known me for 7 yrs. and this is the first time i remember her getting a bit frustrated w/ me. what she thinks this is new? cause it’s not. the fuk’s she been all this time. i’m not the sweet compliant person i once was.not w/ this anyway. when people show you who they are believe them. and that’s who i am in this situation. but ya know. for once the hygenist talked to me like an equal er for once she took things seriously and I was there to witness that.instead of her being all cute and light. and making jokes. once in awhile that’s fine. i was actually in a weird way relieved i was there to witness her taking things seriously.think i just wanted a reaction other than the usual.no no i did.just like the last night i was at stephanie’s.
So my next issue is.other than when they’re in there like during my actual appt. they don’t really like.acknowledge me. So apparently.the receptionist lady called my mom.well what i have an issue w/ is her not telling me she was going to. the receptionist lady. sure i might not agree w/ it but tell me you’re going to. after all my mom’s not the patient.i am. though yes my mom is part of this. and no one else i know is the patient either. ya know. like the dentist is referred to as ‘my’ dentist for a reason. if it’s about me then it should be.well about me. i don’t have a good relationship w/ them which is why i’m thinking of switching. they don’t understand me and they don’t understand how things are........w/ my situation. and i’d rather start over w/ someone new then tell them all this. but of course knowing me and how much i don’t like change i probably won’t switch and we’ll keep going round in circles like we always do. and also if i switched then people would want to know. and then i won’t tell them or i won’t detail things.and if they ask me if this is the reason i’ll say it isn’t.just so in a way i can avoid having a real conversation w/ someone.well of course it’s the reason! they’re not stupid and neither am i. so ya know i’m really just standing in my own way here. but either way i’m going to talk to my psych. about it.
this is the first time i remember something like this bothering me.i didn’t really think anything of it before this.