Overwhelming Emotions in Musings

Yesterday was a rough day for my daughter. On Saturdays, since Nathan works, we always go to my parents house to spend the day. Before we even left for their house at 9 am she had thrown 2 fits for various reasons. I was already out of breath and exhausted when we got there, warning my family that she was a bit out of sorts this morning.

Off and on all day she was defiant . We were outside playing once and we wanted to check her diaper to see if it needed changing and she yelled “I need people to not get me!” She didn’t want to be held back. She wanted to keep playing. She didn’t want to listen either when we told her to put her shoes back on, don’t play in the dogs water, don’t lick the bubble wand. Later she told my dad, who is her buddy most days, to “Leave me alone” and “Don’t talk to me!”

So many personal feelings of embarrassment and shame come to me when she acts like that. Of course my parents (and brother who was visiting) would never blame me or even her for such behavior. She’s not even 3 yet after all. It just gets frustrating and taxing to have a child who won’t listen, who is pushing you away, who’s strong will results in so many fights.

It came to an end for me when we took her for a walk in the stroller and she screamed that she wanted her toy she had thrown despite the warnings it would be taken away if she didn’t hold on to it and then screamed again that she wanted orange juice in her cup and not water. I took her home kicking and screaming that she wanted to stay. Once we got home, her daddy, who would usually be home from work at this point, wasn’t home because he went to watch a basketball game with his family. This didn’t go over well either because he is usually the one to get her ready for bed and tuck her in.

As I finally got her dressed in her pjs and snuggled in bed, I dried her little eyes and felt her tense little body relax into mine. I held back my own tears as I read her a story, listened to her prayer, and sang her a song. I then retreated to my own bed and let out a sigh of relief mixed with sadness. I wished I hadn’t spent all day frustrated with her. She is just beginning to feel these emotions. And they are overwhelming for her. In that moment of feeling overwhelmed by my own emotions, I finally saw that.

It doesn’t make it not difficult, raising a strong-willed child. But maybe I can work on being a little more understanding. Maybe I can quit being embarrassed by her outbursts. Maybe I can realize that being upset over whether or not orange juice is her cup may seem silly to me, it isn’t silly to her. And she just needs a little help to overcome the overwhelming emotions entrapping her.

I’ll try to be a better momma, baby girl, I’ll try.