A Visit with a Twist in Next Chapter of My Life

So sometimes I think my life is better than a soap opera and I guess it is with the people I am around. My partner, boyfriend, SO or what ever you want to call him is a big part in this. His mental illness is legendary in these parts. So we went down to see his father as he was closer to us than he’s been. At least he’s in driving distance . He was up in PA from FL and we are in NY. So his father told us that he had something that some family members were hanging over his head and was tired of it being a secret. He told us that before he married his wife she was pregnant and had to give the baby away as she wasn’t divorced from her 1st husband and had to wait 2 yrs. We knew she was married before and she had a son with him. That was my BF half brother but I guess she was in the process of getting a divorce when they met and that’s when it happened . So he’s got a full blooded sibling, guess it was a male and his name is Mark that exists that they knew nothing about. Wow!
That is one hell of a secret to keep for over 50 yrs!!

I’m not judging. my last 2 kids were something I really didn’t want but they are here and I LOVE THEM. Its not fair to them to treat them like they weren’t wanted. The last especially. I’m not going to deny it I was in denial about it and I didn’t think it would last anyway but little by little that little thing grew on me and has me completely wrapped around my heart. Part of the reason is his father is extremely mentally ill and its wearing on me. The other kids are to the age that they can fend for themselves but starting again....... I’m not young I’m 41 and his father is 52 now.. so when this little guy is graduating high school I’m going to be 60 and he will be 70 OMG! Although I’m pro-choice, I’m personalty against it. This means that I respect other peoples view as its their bodies and its none of my business what they do with it. When its my body.... its my business and I psychologically would have a hard time dealing with that decision. This little guy fought to be here, he fought very hard. For some reason he is here, he’s meant to be here. Was I happy about it? NO not at first but he’s here and deserves to be so. And as I said he’s completely wrapped around my heart. I wouldn’t change anything. He’s a sweet little thing. Still little like my own cabbage patch doll. As I said he’s meant to be here for some reason.

As I think about back to when I found out the fluid was low if they actually told me to be on bed rest. They eluded to it but didn’t really say to. I think they really didn’t think he would make it so what was the point. They told me he was in jeopardy. I was working at the time but we didn’t talk about going on disability and I didn’t go on disability.