Normal Is Bullshit in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

It's currently 3am and I'm awake because my sleep schedule was disturbed a few nights ago. There was a terrifying pounding on my window and when I opened it, there was a woman whom I didn't know standing there demanding I let her in. I was so terrified from the experience, I couldn't get back to sleep until around 4:30 in the morning. I was fine with it at the time because watching Troop Beverly Hills solves all ills, but now I'm really upset considering I have only about a week before school starts again.

School, ugh. I did NOT do well last quarter at all. In fact, I have to repeat a class. I really wonder what the problem was. I had so many issues regarding my teachers that I just didn't want to perform academically. I'm a very strange creature when it comes to my abilities. I used to be so much more patient as a teenager, now I just don't want to deal with bullshit. Professors are always telling you these ridiculous lies to convince you that they're relevant. I'm one of the few people who's actually worked in the field in which I'm getting a degree and I happen to know that none of this bullshit is worth my time.

That's really what school is, learning how to be patient with people who waste your time.

I had a little dating odyssey last week. I met someone and we spent four and a half days together. He's sweet, and I like him... but those four days were like a preview of what life would be "Not Single" and let me tell you, it was not fun. While he was around, it was sweet. But eventually I wanted my space back and when it became clear that he wasn't going anywhere, I became really anxious. It was comforting, but I just wanted to do my grocery shopping and sleep alone. I felt awful. I seriously feel like there's something wrong with me. I'm just not wired for normal happiness.

Wait, that's exactly what it is. I should reframe this.

Everyone says that happiness is finding that one person that you want to spend all your time with, the person that shares your life... Why should I trust other people to define happiness? Everything else in my life has been a product of my own invention, why not my search for fulfillment?  Maybe happiness is finding that person that you DON'T want to spend ALL your time with, the person that shares your belief in keeping parts of your life to yourself.

Well, that's great... another nebulous goal set for myself. I'll get to that one after I move to Europe...