evan.trust.freedom.closeness. in yes i'm aware it's 2016.

so on fb my um ‘friend’ Jessica eluded that she was having a hard time. so some of her friends commented on her update saying they were all going to the bar that night. so and Matt f. [of matt and markus for those who remember] commented and he’s like ‘i’ll be there soon’. well not that there’s anything wrong w/ being there for your friends but i miss that. i miss having that closeness and seeing people and getting together w/ them and getting at them on fb and having people on fb know. i had that w/ Pat but well, we all know how that ended. evan has a fb but he’s only on every 6 months if that. i say i miss that and i do but then i make no effort at all to get to know people. evan’s the closest friend I have and i love him.but it’s also sad it’s like oh............oh that’s sad. i’m not that close w/ anyone else though my friend Lane & I’ve gotten closer he actually just had a birthday his 28th was yesterday. he’s the gay guy from TX who went on that rocky horror date awhile back.super nice guy has depresion. but like being that he doesn’t live here it’s well it’s near impossible to get together w/ him and even w/ evan..........who’s been in detox off and on since Jan. although yesterday we tried.to no avail which i’d blogged about.
Mark’s great really cool but it’s hard to connect w/ him cause of his asperger’s and I’m starting to see that more and more.like he’s a nice guy he’s really intelligent.and it’s not his fault. and Susie [god i’ve known susie for a long time] and I haven’t talked in over a yr. we’d talk every few months. [which reminds me i should get at her].
So Jessica is friends w/ Matt and Brittany and Markus. in the bar we had our groups. there was me and Pat..........and then me and Lu and Sara. and just joe who knew Gywn who knew Keith and Brittany. oh and jd. and um Jackee. and Bay and Jordan and Bay’s friend whose name escapes me right now. ..........um. yeah idk. that I knew of they didn’t know jd and them. i wouldn’t say Keith is conceited as he’s not. but he also like wouldn’t invite me to sit w/ them. although he’s a pretty quiet guy so. no the ‘inviting people’ were Lu and Pat.and joe. but maybe that’s cause Pat and I were really close. at milo’s they were cool ya know they were the inviting types. i call them my friends but they’re not really they’re more just people i know/bar regulars. but friends is easier to say. it’s weird that fb puts people as your friends when they’re actually really not. and then there’s Douglas and Leeanne. douglas and i we.it’s weird. like we’re not friends but he seems to care about me. i don’t know why that’s weird. i guess cause like brittany and them don’t make much of an effort to reach out to me so............Brittany actually is getting married. and she had her engagement get together and posted pics on fb. which is fine ya know but if i’m not invited then don’t like.”advertise” it. but ya know i have my own close group of people. er my own group of people. Lane and Mark and Susie and while we’re not close Muriel Pat’s mom.and evan. or maybe some people are just more social than others. i’m not one of them. well and i’m def. not now now that i’ve moved. and then there’s drea. and i love drea. she’s awesome and seems v. loving she’s a mom. yeah wow. people w/ their getting married and having children and having relationships. well i’ve been in a relationship too w/i the last 3 yrs. and i’m in one now except.............well the whole point of seeing someone is to, you know. actually see that person.
yeah so that’s..........that’s what yesterday meant to/for me. having that closenss w/ someone. and that freedom of being able to talk about w/e i want w/ them.and to be who i am.cause evan’s really. the only person i have that w/. and that’s why.i didn’t like that it didn’t happen. oh but it almost did. no wonder i miss Pat so much.

Last updated June 04, 2016