if you read my last entry you might remember that i was worrying over how cole told me he liked me while he was drunk. the entire week after that entry, nothing interesting happened. i was ready to just let the entire thing go and just resign myself to being only friends with him. but then last saturday (march 26) we both had to work and decided to hang out afterwards. we brought our manager along, who suggested that we drink around and drink (cole ended up not drinking very much so he could drive sober) in the country. later on we picked up another one of my coworkers and we went to a few bars around town. i ended up pretty trashed and acting kinda crazy. i don’t even remember some parts of the night.
at one point i was sitting in the passenger seat and cole and i were holding hands. i have NO idea how that started - if he grabbed my hand or if i grabbed his. after we dropped off our coworkers, i started crying for no apparent reason. i tend to cry when i get too drunk and i kept telling him that he should be with his other friends instead of with a sad, crying, sloppy mess of a girl. and of course held my hand, assured me that he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, and drove me home.
and ever since then, things have been different. we aren’t boyfriend/girlfriend (yet) but there’s a mutual sort of dating thing happening. we always hold hands in the car and talk to each other all day long. he admitted that he told amanda that he liked me a long time ago (just how long ago, i have no idea) and he finally acknowledged saying that he liked me when he was drunk. he hasn’t kissed me yet but i keep telling myself that it’ll happen soon. i think he’s nervous which is fine because i am too.
but i just can’t even handle how…happy i feel right now. before there was a lot of uncertainty about how he felt about me and i would spend the entire drive home after spending time with him crying because i liked him so much and wanted him to like me back. i distinctly remember one day we were in walmart and we were waiting in line and i just had the strongest urge to put my arms around him but i couldn’t. and now i can. now i can tell him when i miss him. it’s a great feeling. the last time i had feelings for someone and they had feelings for me AT THE SAME TIME was when i was a freshman in high school. i’m a senior in college now. i was hung up on eric for so long that i was becoming really scared that nothing like this would happen any time soon. it just feels so strange. <3
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