more Pat stuff. in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

wow i’m suddenly flooded w/ memories. i’m also on my period so.yeah.

um god wow. i remember..........i remember the night Pat saved me. anorexia related.
i remember........him playing his guitar for me. I remember us drinking together us dancing together. and right after the breakup I was at his place. i was probably drunk. and upset of course. I saw his guitar on the bed and i just.it spoke to me. so i sat down next to it and touched it. his was the first guitar i’d ever touched.
and i remember.one of the last conversations we had though not the last. we were in his basement and.......it was morning maybe around 8 I’d woken up before him. when he woke up i told him something about how I was going to recover. for some reason I remember us sitting on the floor discussing that but maybe i’m misremembering. and he smiled and he was so damn happy about that. and then a few months later i failed that. and i still feel bad about it. knowing him he would’ve understood. i think. he walked me back to my place that morning. that was the last time I was over there. it was in feb.
i remember meeting his mom she was lovely. she’s the most unawkward person like ever. i could make her a cd and it’d be ok.
i remember. the night at milo’s when he played yeah it was Trey’s when he played trey’s guitar on the smoking balcony i think he played ‘yesterday’.and we were out there w/ him. and that’s the only time that happened. it was damn cold that night [well i’d brought 2 coats] but it almost didn’t matter.
i remember valentine’s day. ok so the day sucked but the night was lovely.he and his friend who i later [well and by ‘later’ i mean recently via evan] found out was Jason not ‘john’ anyway. We went to an open mic night for a bit at a sandwich place and then on to Milo’s. and then a month later..........wow.

oh wow. all i have are good memories of him.and i’m v. lucky in that way that i do. and ya know sometimes. it feels like i’m the only one on fb who’s brave enough to mention him and maybe that’s bc i am.