Finally Let It All Out 09-17-2013 in Out in the Open

Finally Let It All Out* Tuesday, September 17, 2013

I told him everything that I have wanted to for so long. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

I told him I wanted another baby. I told him that I loved him. I told him that I am scared to move away from my family because I feel there is nothing for me in his home town. I told him that I was scared he would take Lily away from me. I told him that i didn't want to change Lily's last name unless he marries me. I told him I enjoy being around him. I told him that my head was about to explode.

And being the calm and always under control person he is he simply said that everything was going to be ok. He calmly acknowledged all my concerns. Reassured me not to worry and called me a "worrier." He never said no to marrying me or no to having another baby. He simply remained quiet and has said nothing of it.

I feel a lot better getting it all out in the open. I needed to. If I didn't I would regret it. Every time I stay the night in his house I dream about him. I dream that I love him and want to be wrapped in his arms. We sleep in different beds. Mostly because of me. I sleep with Lily in her room so she's not scared. So many times I have wanted to go to his bed. He's invited me a couple times.

What a strange, do I dare call it, "a relationship?" I know his ex wife and him got divorced because he didn't pay attention to her. I get that. He's very distant. But occasionally I get to see something in him. And when I do, my heart beats like crazy and my mind just soars. Ridiculous! Get it together, Shannon.

I love my job. Don't know if I mentioned it. I am officially a diagnostic sonographer. Yep. I do ultrasounds. I did my first scan yesterday on someone that was having twins. She had no idea. I asked her, "Do you have twins run in your family?" And she replied, "Yeah... why?" Then I made her wait a few minutes before I turned the screen and pointed, "There is Baby A. And there is Baby B." She was pretty shocked but excited. She went to the hospital for bleeding and came out finding everything was ok... times 2. :D

But anyway... Life has been pretty good to me. My daughter started Kindergarten this year. absolutely amazing to me. She's going to a private catholic school. Paid for by dad. He wants her in montessorri schools, but there are none in my home town so that is where she is now. She's 4! She'll be 5 in October. She's reading, writing and knows her 0+1 and her 1+1's to 10. She catches on so fast and has a huge vocabulary. We were at the zoo the other day and when we go to the owls she said, "look! He's sleeping!" and I said yep. Then she said, "that's because he's nocturnal. He sleeps during the day and is awake at night." Smarty pants.

Anyway... Life is kind to me.

Her