For Crying Out Loud 04-13-2013 in Out in the Open

For Crying Out Loud* Saturday, April 13, 2013

I cried last night for the first time in a long time. I needed to. I cried out all the questions I had for C. Except C wasn't there to hear them. Which is why I could ask them. Outloud. When I heard them being asked I couldn't picture him answering them. If I did, I would just cry harder.

I know that I deserve love. Everyone does. This friendship C and I have is nice. It's great that Lily can have a mom and dad that like each other. But, we are just two mature people handling a situation the best that we can. Except I fell in love again. I loved him then. I love him now. I just wish he could find a way to love me back. Again, that is the problem.

Over and over again. I give my love. I fall in love and when I look back to them it's not returned. My heart remains empty. All the love given out and not filled back up.

Tomorrow I shall ask him if it's possible for him to love me back. I have got the wine coolers for a little liquid courage. Now I just have to do it.

Non-Diet Update: Not 15 pounds down.

Her