Something to Think About 04-05-2013 in Out in the Open

Something to Think About (pics) Friday, April 05, 2013

A noter stated perhaps that I am building walls in order to prevent an advancement in C's and my relationship. At first I was like, no way! It's more complicated than that. And although it is a lot more complicated than that, there is a little truth to it.

Before Lily, was born C and "dated" for 3 years. He took me out to dinner and we enjoyed each other's company. Eventually it turned into something a little less and soon became mostly about sex. Being that the last 4 men in my life dumped me after they got someone else pregnant (not C), I decided to be okay with this "relationship" C and I were "in". Unfortunately, I fell in love with him back then. After the whole blow up when I got pregnant I started fearing him and avoiding him at all cost. Eventually, he came back to us. (Me and our Daughter) And now I am falling in love again.

I don't believe I am pretty enough for him. I saw his ex wife. She was beautiful, and Egyptian. Two things I will never be. Sure, I am pretty in my own way, but not beautiful. Being that I am now losing all this weight I will soon find the confidence I need. I secretly hope that when I get to my ideal weight he will see how "pretty" I am. I dream.

So, sure I have built some walls around me. But I am trying to protect myself from his rejection. We have both discussed not wanting to get married. We have both discussed not dating. He occasionally asks me if I am dating anyone. We haven't asked each other in awhile though. Not sure why. Perhaps I will next time I see him. But, what if he is? Am I able to handle that?

Anyway, I gotta go. I am tired. .

Her

<< : Falling Again For Crying Out Loud* : >>

Leave a Note

Hey, his ex wife may be gorgeous, but she is his EX wife for a reason. Clearly he wasn't in it for her looks. And I'm sure he finds you much more gorgeous than you think you are. We are our own worst critics on appearance, aren't we? Besides, your daughter is beautiful and that's at least 50% you. How old is your daughter? Looks about 3 or 4? Ryn: I actually live in the Bay City/Saginaw area, from Flint though. [silent driftwood] 4/6/2013 12:03:45 AM
she has gotten so big! beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if he stuck around for years before and came back he sees something he likes.

do you think maybe he is saying things to appease you? like you are saying you dont want a relationship so he says it back. say what you want because you never know if he wants it too but has held back because it isnt what you want. [muted exposure]