TWITTER: Thougt in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

This should be brief. Not really substantial. But playing video games today and doing stuff around the house, my mind wandered (as it sometimes does). Where it stopped… it has been stuck on now for some time. I know exactly why it went there but… it just seems strange.

I’ve seen Deadpool now 3 times. There is only one other Comic Book movie that I’ve ever seen multiple times in theaters. It, too, was an R rated Comic Book movie. Sin City. (The first one, still haven’t seen the second one.) I mentioned this to Wife last night and she said, “Yeah. Sin City, which you saw with Shannon!”
This may become longer than I anticipated.

Back in 2005; the woman who is now Wife was seeing/living with someone else. I had only just met her and despite a definite spark between us; I was not going to pursue someone in a committed relationship. However, I should start earlier than that… because the “mutual friend” who introduced us was an attractive woman that I had known for a few months before. Shannon, as I’ll call her here, was a very attractive woman… thicker than some might like, but strong and beautiful with a definite “vibe” to her. I was in deep attraction from almost moment one. But… she was a 26 year old divorcee who had just come out of a very abusive marriage. The marriage itself was abusive in a number of ways and, towards the end, Shannon started cheating… which made the abuse all the worse. So… I, little virginal less experienced boy… was hesitant and apprehensive from the get-go. Then… as part of a “Celebrate Freedom” lifestyle after the divorce… casual sex and casual drug use became a big part of my new friend’s life. And again… I was deeply attracted to her; but intimidated and worried. Worried about what the drugs may be doing to her and intimidated about.... well… if I ever tried to pursue something; how could a Short White Virgin compete with the gaggle of men she had at her beck and call. And, as insulting as Arm Chair Psychology may seem, it looked to be a woman that got married to the wrong guy WAY TOO young in her life simply fueling her insecurities with potentially destructive choices. And yet… we were still friends. Still had a good friendship… and, to be very fair, a friendship with HEAVY doses of flirting. All of that ended though after Wife and I got together, of course.

In fact… it exploded.

After I began having a serious relationship with Wife… I tried, in my inexperienced and awkward way, to shift the friendship between Shannon and I to something that wasn’t quite so “flirtatious.” I figured openly flirting with a woman I was attracted to would not be a good thing for my new relationship. Well… I still don’t remember what I said or did… but it upset Shannon. It upset all of the friends that we both shared as well. And it started coming out that Shannon was never even really friends with Wife; but Wife’s relationship sucked and Shannon felt sorry for her co-worker that never had any friends. And then… Shannon and all of our mutual friends kind of… left my life.

And I figured… no big loss in some ways. I’m not a Dance Club Every Night kind of guy and the break from all of that would be nice. Plus, it wouldn’t cause potential issues with my new relationship. Plus… it put a stop to all that internal Yes/No on the Shannon issue. Because… even as Wife and I started dating… I have to admit I was still very attracted to Shannon. And… in some ways… still am.

And that’s what I’ve been considering today. How this is another bit of “What If.” Because in 2005? Both Aoife and Shannon disappeared. Now… I’ve seen Shannon more recently and she has an online presence… so I at least know if she’s alive or not (information I do not have on Aoife)… but it all stems from Wife. Shannon and I stopped having much to do with one another because of how I poorly handled the transition away from a flirtatious relationship. Aoife disappeared entirely when I got together with Wife for fear of interfering.

If I ever really get a handle on anything, I’m almost very tempted to write a very limited access entry on all of that. As Aoife and Shannon were very different… in many ways as different as two women can be… and yet they both had parts of my heart; they both stimulated a part of my spirit; and… in an attempt to be crude and humorous… they could both get me harder than an adamantium covered diamond by just looking at me!