Trying To Stand in BookThree: Flight Log 2016

So… Wife, who certainly believes that she is on the Autism Spectrum, is watching several documentaries about Autism. My initial thought was: GOOD! I have friends with family that experience genuine debilitating autism. The fact that Wife takes her anger out on others, has no interest in making friends, or being nice? Sure… that may be an issue that needs Mental Health appraisal… but going around undiagnosed just saying “Yeah, I probably have autism.” is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. Partially… because of my own issues. Half of the people I talk to hear “Fibromyalgia? Why do you work so hard, you could just claim disability!” the other half hear, “Fibromyalgia? You trying to scam the government with that shit?” So… my already ADHD diagnosed wife just saying she has Autism has always bothered me.

Then add the other element of our history. The few times I was able to get her to a marriage therapist when I was really contemplating divorce? Just upon first meeting her the therapist said, “Yeah, she probably does have autism or something.” Which became the reason why marriage counseling wasn’t going to work. Because Wife needed to work on her issue before we could work on our issues. And then… she immediately stopped going to the therapist and didn’t look for anyone to replace her. Because even though she needs to work on her issue before we can work on our issue… she wasn’t GOING to work on her issue.

So… Wife is watching these Autism documentaries and it is what it is. But I totally forgot my least favorite part of this little dance (as this has happened before). She is watching something about Autism or reading something about Autism and makes that “off the cuff” remark of… “It’s really too bad that I’ll never get help with autism as long as we’re relying on Wal Mart for insurance.” Now… likely… she just means that she wishes things were different. But… this is, admittedly, an area I’m pretty sensitive about. Considering I went to law school (cost time and money) and have been looking for work for two years… while I know she’s literally only saying, “It’s really too bad that I’ll never get help with autism as long as we’re relying on Wal Mart for insurance.” What I hear is: “This glaring issue that causes a large number of negatives in our marriage is waiting for YOU to get a job!” So… yeah, maybe I’m being overly sensitive to things. But on the other hand… since she has never actively looked for a job outside of Wal Mart… maybe I’m not.