3/2 in 2016

it feels like forever since i’ve written. i’ve still been on this website at least once every few days but i always feel too exhausted to write. the semester is already halfway over! i feel like it has gone by so fast and i still have a lot to accomplish.

i feel as if both my internships are going great. i never expected the kids from the after school program to have such an impact on me. i mean yeah, the younger kids are usually brats because they lie, refuse to do their homework, and constantly disobey but they can be pretty hilarious too. the older kids are calmer and therefore more likable, and i’ve had one of them write me a sweet note. i never thought i’d enjoy it as much - although it is exhausting.

as for my other internship - i don’t do much but sit and observe, but it’s made me realize that counseling is definitely what i want to do. i realize it over and over again - every time a client starts tearing up because their drug addiction is too much for them to handle. i want to cry with them.

a couple weeks ago bailey, cole, and i had plans to go out to the bars in my college town on a saturday night. cole has two fake ID’s and it was actually his idea to go out. he bailed on us at the last second by claiming he lost BOTH of them - and to this day i have no idea if he was lying. i thought he was at first. by now he has found them, and he gave me one of them to hold onto, which makes me think he wasn’t lying. who knows. bailey and i went out anyway. we started drinking around 7:30 and left for our first bar around 9. we consumed many shots and mixed drinks and i was texting cole for most of the night. randomly he asked if we had a ride home (we didn’t) and if we wanted him to pick us up, even though he lives 40 minutes away. i told him yes because i didn’t want to walk nearly 2 miles to my apartment while nearly blackout drunk and while bailey and i were trekking from one bar to the other, a couple of guys started hanging around us. they were definitely trying to take us home with them. bailey has a boyfriend but we were so drunk that something could’ve happened.

cole picked us up around 2am and made sure we safely got into my apartment and we ended up forcing him to stay the night. the three of us slept in my full size bed and i distinctly remember having my arm over him the entire time.

part of the reason why i haven’t written in awhile is because i’ve been avoiding thinking about my feelings for cole - it exhausts me too much. you guys already know that we talk every day, hangout together probably 4 days a week, etc. that’s definitely never been the norm with any of my other friendships - even ones with guys. i am unsettled with how much time we spend together because i know that i will have NO idea what to do when he transfers to a different school in august. i will still have another semester of my undergrad left. he’s pressuring me to go to the same school he’s going to but i’m unsure. i know i will feel lost without him. he called me his favorite person and i think he might be mine, too.

(see? now i’m sad and it’s all because of this entry. even if it needed to be written.)

i’m definitely ready for the future. and by future i mean spring break, which is less than two weeks away! i’ve already started packing.

but before i get ahead of myself, i plan on going out this weekend and cole says he’s definitely coming this time. he can’t use the “lost fake ID” excuse again. i don’t have high hopes.