Ignorant, Ignored, Iggy? in Friends With the Benedicts

Yep, you can just call me Iggy I guess. I feel that way lately anyway. I know, how emo, right? That’s what my wife would call me. She wouldn’t be wrong… but still. LOL. I’m just not feelin the love from the very very few people in my life lately. And I’m not a spoiled brat who has to have all eyes on her or anything. Right? lol. I don’t think I am anyway. Heh. I dunno, it’s just a few things that have been bothering me. Like my wife, for instance. I know that she has adult onset ADD, or at the very least has had it since she was little if not. But. The worst thing that could have happened to us as a couple was her getting that damn tablet from my Mom. That may be a bit harsh… lemme put it another way. While I know that her getting the tablet was a good thing overall, I mean, she loved it and I am glad she got something that she loved from my Mom. It also opened up new doors and possibilities for her as far as expanding things that she can do, ways to communicate, etc. I recognize all that. But I still say it was detrimental to our relationship by way of the fact that she hasn’t learned yet how or when to put it away! I joke all the time that I am going to implement a “no tablet zone” rule when we are watching TV together, but she knows I am serious and that it really bothers me, because for instance, when we are watching something together and something happens that I think she should have seen to keep up with the show, I’ll look at her and if she is doing something on her tablet, she’ll say, “I was paying attention!”. Yea, like hell! LOL. It probably isn’t as bad as I make it out to be in my head. Nothing ever is, really, since my head is a veritable scrambled egg. The fact still remains though, that she knows she admittedly has a problem already, with ADD and it is hard already for her to concentrate on more than one thing at a time. So why would she not know that this would bother me? She does know it bothers me. And it bothers me that she knows, yet does it anyway. LOL. Arrgh! Iggy, Iggy right chere! lol. Theeeen… it occured to me while I was on the phone with my Mom earlier, that she was doing an awful lot of talking, and it was all about her. lol. It put me in such a bad mood just listening to her and thinking about it, that I had to let her go. Hmm… that sounds a lot worse than it was. It’s just, I dunno… I feel bad even saying anything at all. And before anyone thinks it’s because of her being sick, or the cancer or something, that’s not what I mean at all. I mean, yea she talks about that the most, but I understand because she has nobody else to talk to about it. And really? That’s fucked up in and of itself. The fact that she has a husband of 17 years isn’t really anything to brag about in that situation. Especially not when you can’t or won’t talk to him honestly about what you’re going thru. And then there’s her good for nothing (I would say literally, but she did nuild her a “chemo” bedroom for her to come relax/sleep in.) sister, who tells her sure, you can come over anytime to just get away, but you know, let’s keep it upbeat and positive so as not to make me have to feel real emotions. But my Mom can’t say this to either of them, so guess what she does instead? I’m not even gonna dignify that with an answer. LOL. The chemo has left her with a few “unsavory” effects, one of which is that she is essentially brain damaged like me, for now. Hopefully it’s only temporary, but to hear it from my stepdad, you would think that she should be alllll better by now and it just being a wuss, or something. He also has conveniently glossed over the fact that she did just start radiation as well. He was either so stupid or so far in denial that during her chemo, this past summer, when she was in the thick of it and sick n all, he was pushing for her to go out on their boat with him. Just… I’ve actually talked myself out of writing this entry any longer. LOL. I’m tired of bitching, and really, also just tired. I started what I hope will be one of the very last periods I will ever have, and it is doing a very good job of convincing me that I am doing the right thing! :) :)

Steph

PS - by the way, I got the call that my hysterectomy was approved by all of the doctors at the gyno. They said that the actual surgery will be scheduled at my next appt, which is my 6 week post op check up appt. and that’s Feb. 11th. Yay! Moooovin on forward… to the surgery! LOL. Byeee!