new year, new everything in furious, fragile, and free

hello. it’s me.

in the two months since we spoke, i survived my craziest and most stressful semester ever (wrote & researched an entire PR plan for my capstone, passed all my classes, didn’t fail my newspaper) and since then, i’ve been home, relaxing from it all. turned 22, enjoyed the holidays with my family, spent new year’s with my old roommates in LA, hung around my old haunts in the hometown like the ghost that can’t let go.

i’ve been thinking a lot about how after may 17, my life is this giant question mark. a blank space. an abyss. a black hole. the next 5 months will be literal hell and insanity before i cross that stage in my cap and gown, but after that....what’s next?

it’s strange. i look at my stuff in my room at my parents’ house and think, “what will i take with me?” because even though i haven’t lived here full time since high school, most of my crap is still here. but will i be in a bigger place? will i live alone? where will i even be living?

i will probably never spend this much time at this house again.

2015 was a pretty great year, all things considering (Vegas, becoming EIC, concerts, senior year), but i need 2016 to be bigger and better. i need 2016 to be about me.

thinking about my blank space after may 17, all i really, really want is travel. this semester i kept saying i wanted to go abroad after i graduate and now that i’m on the other end of it, the reality is i need to make saving money for that trip a priority.

what’s terrifying is that i can actually make it happen. i can just say BYE to my family and friends for a month or so, not apply for jobs or turn down jobs or whatever and just LEAVE, because there’s nothing to stop me

2016 is realizing there’s nothing stopping me from doing what i want to do

i can do anything

and that’s pretty terrifying

for the first time in my life, i don’t know what’s next, and it’s both terrifying and exhilarating all at once.

in the meantime, i need to focus my energies on surviving spring semester because it will be just as hellish as the last one. but this time, i want to enjoy it a lot more. i want to sacrifice sleep and (average) grades for my final college memories.

holy shit. everything’s going to be different now.