D has Anxiety, I need to Learn how to be a Support Person from here in Days of My Destiny

Reading up on how to support someone with an anxiety disorder. My mother-in-law has anxiety again and we are seeing her in one week. She expressed to me that Christmas is one thing she is worried about. I stupidly told her not to worry, to focus on one day at a time. I knew even then that I shouldn't be telling her "not to worry" but it's just what came out. I've since read that the most important thing is to listen, listen, listen, actively, and respond with things like, "I understand how that would both you," rather than give advice or solutions. Oh well, I'm learning. L told her that if it's going to be too much for her to have us stay with her, to please, by all means, let us know and we can stay elsewhere and we won't be offended. That was really wise on his part. Of course, he knows what she's going through - he suffered from anxiety years ago, before I met him.

I'd like to ask an old friend of mine for advice too, seeing as her husband suffered anxiety for many years.

The thing that worries ME is that I know my mother-in-law. I know that no matter what, she'd most likely NEVER ask us not to stay at her house due to her anxiety (or for any other reason). When she was the 24/7 carer of her own mother, I was at university, and she babysat M - ON TOP OF already looking after her aging mother. At the time, I was stuck also. We couldn't afford childcare, nor did we know anybody who would be available to babysit anyway. Looking back, I wish I'd had more insight. Even back then, I used to see how exhausted she was and how the joy of life was being sucked out of her. One day eventually she did let us know that she could not longer babysit M, and by this stage her mother had already gone to an aged care facility. Anyhow.... her anxiety went away one day, but it's now back. I'm now reading and realising that it's not just the thoughts. It's more like, anxiety attacks you and changes your chemical levels. You get physical and mental symptoms that you can't control. People with anxiety also realise themselves that the thoughts they may have are illogical. They may lack sleep. Etc etc. And all of these things can lead to.... more anxiety.

I've also read that you have to be careful with how you help someone with anxiety. For example you can't just up and ask, "How are you going with the panic attacks?" because maybe lately they haven't been thinking about the panic attacks and suddenly BAM you've shoved it in their face and they are left with a slap across the face, thinking about the panic attacks and anxiety and before they know it, there's a panic attack coming on.

So now I'm feeling somewhat helpless, which I've also read is normal for loved ones of sufferers of anxiety. But as always, I will do my best to do what I can from where I am.