Crash - 20.11.13 in Your Face

Just hit the ground with a big thump. Feeling very disappointed with M again. No event has sparked it, but that's the entire point. I'm just tired of waiting, of feeling like I hitched myself to an anchor. What an awful way to think of him. Overall, I just have this feeling of never being good enough, never catching the right break. I'm dissatisfied with all aspects of my life.

I can only switch off for so long before I crumble. I need a pick me up, but nothing appeals. I just want an ounce of normal. To put something in the fridge, safe in the knowledge that it won't get eaten. To not have to explain my life story every five minutes to people in my office that are love struck with the idea of foreigners and foreign countries. To have a husband who takes 5 minutes out of his day to ask how I am doing. I don't want to feel angry at work, but I do because people have no brains at all - and these people are your lawyers. I am far from being a brainiac, but shit, guys.

I've waited this year ebb away and all the things I wanted to do with it go up in smoke. I've worked hard, but have nothing to show for it. Put my all into getting us to America, only for M to fumble the ball.

Sometimes it just all gets a bit too much.