To meet rejection in 2015

10:48pm

I’ve been trying to write up this entry for a while now but I keep getting distracted. Not by anything important, mind you, just procrastination at its finest.

So I have been thinking a bit about this whole JR trying to hook me up with his friends thing. There’s been several boys, two of which I’ve met, but none of which I’ve spent more than 2 minutes with. I’m not even sure that’s considered meeting someone.

Anyway, I am completely on the fence about the whole idea.

There’s a part of me that really likes the idea of meeting a bunch of different people. Getting to know different guys and seeing what the world has to offer. I can see all the good aspects of dating a lot. Or at least getting out there, and meeting people, and seeing where it all goes. I figure at the very least I would learn something new each time. And that’s pretty appealing. Getting to know people, maybe making friends, and possibly finding “love” or something. There’s so much out there and everyone has their own pros and cons.

But then there’s that huge part of me that completely fears rejection. Like just the thought of putting myself out there enough to connect with someone totally freaks me out. I know what it’s like to get rejected and I know what it’s like to watch people disappear out of my life. I know how it feels to lose people. The idea of that possibly happening over and over again is really not where I’d like to be.

Yeah, I can tell you exactly where this comes from and how it all connects back to certain aspects of my life but that doesn’t even matter.
And if I were being honest, that’s probably the main reason why I’ve never really put myself out there.
I don’t want to feel that way.

Even just that tiny moment the other day where that guy turned and walked out the door quickly. That was enough to make me feel all sorts of rejected on the inside and that’s probably enough to push me away from the idea of dating.

I’ll admit, I’m one of those people that you probably need to get to know in order to really like. But you also won’t have any regrets once you do. =) And maybe that’s partly my own insecurities with my outer appearance, but also I just know that I don’t always make the best first impression. If you’re willing to look past that moment, it’ll be worth it. I mean, come on, who else have you ever met with this wicked sense of humor? ;)

So I see all the pros and cons, but I’m not sure that feeling any worse about myself is any kind of trade-off to meeting a lot of different people. And I’m not sure I could convince that many people to just give me a chance. hah. But I don’t know. I want to be open to everything. To all possibilities. You know never when something might work out in your favor.

In this particular situation: I think JR thinks I’m a little more desperate than I actually am. Or he just feels like people need a partner in life. But I’m doing alright and I’m sure eventually he’ll give up and move on. At this point he’s kinda become worse than my mother, so I might have to go ahead and stop him myself. hah. Never thought I’d make a sentence like that!

I’ll give it more thought. Try to go with the flow and just let life play itself out [man…I say that a lot…]. Not everyone has to fall in love with me right? And not everyone has to become my best friend. It’s okay to meet someone and then decide what’s best for both. It might be fun and it might break my heart.

We shall see.

rose.
11:09pm

Last updated January 08, 2016