Fish tank, recliner, Dan on my mind. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I took little one when I got off work last night and hung out with her all day today. My friend and I finally got the fish tank over to my house and it took awhile because I had to go get her and her youngest son and we had both kids with us. I managed to take a bunch of boxes to the trash because we had to get some end tables out of my spare closet for the fish tank to sit on and I had a bunch of messes to clean up. It was seriously a big headache but it looks beautiful and definitely worth the wait.

I also bought a recliner for $20 from some lady on the other end of town. I of course had to give my brother $10 for gas because he hauled it for me. Completely ridiculous that I am still paying my family to help me but I needed a new chair. It’s going to take some getting used to because the other one had a hole in the bottom and I had bar in my back so I actually got used to it but this one isn’t all broke and actually reclines. I sat in it for awhile this evening and I’m hoping I adjust to it fast. I was kind of a bitch to my brother when he came earlier because the fish tank ordeal and I was just fucking tired. He was also annoying the shit out of me.

I ended up going to Walmart twice today too. That place is always such a zoo and it took a fair amount of time just to find a place to park. I hate going there but there was shit I needed. I was able to get some stuff and that’s what mattered. It was so nice to get everything done so I could come home, be by myself, and just enjoy the quiet.

Dan. He’s been on my mind intensively since Monday. I miss him. I miss what we had in the beginning. Well I’ve been talking about him and tonight I decided that because we work together again and that alone is a delicate situation, that we need to just keep it where it’s at. I always promised myself that if we ever crossed paths again that I would never date him again and I’m going to stay true to that. I know that my feelings for him will always be there but we tried just too many times already and if it didn’t work then, why would it now? I know that he probably wouldn’t mooch because he’s making real money now but there’s still the issue of the dog and sex. I know that I don’t want a relationship but if I had to pick someone for one it would be him but I am just too worried about things getting fucked up again and us still having to work together.

He talks to me all the time and I have sense of comfort with him being there but I refuse to ask him to hang out at all. I know if he asks me I will totally say yes but if we ever tried to date again, we would have some shit to figure out first. I know he’s going to end up working a shit ton of hours too and he’ll see just how tiring it is and then maybe he’ll understand what I was going through when I would tell him I was tired. I know that if I date anyone, I do want it to be someone I work with because they understand my job and what it’s about. Fuck, this whole thing is driving me crazy but I do plan to just leave it alone.

I feel bad for being so bitchy to my brother. He was just trying to help me but I just answering him with an attitude. Like, I honestly feel bad but he just makes me so mad!!! Ugh!!!

Anyways, I’ve taken my sleep aids and they are starting to kick in so I’m gonna pass out. I have to work in the morning and be there all day and Sunday so I need to get some sleep. Goodnight.