Maybe, Someday... in In My World

One week until Christmas. 7 days. 13 days left in 2015.

This year has flown by. I had so much I wanted to get done this year and of course I accomplished nothing. Let me update you on what I can think of from this year....

School: I didn’t have classes this spring because of financial aid issues. This semester I completely bombed my class…accomplished 2/16 weeks worth of assignments. I had an awful professor who wouldn’t email me back. Put all the assignments up at once (it was an online class) and then completely abandoned us. It’s been a struggle to even find an assignment on the site. Rather than drive myself insane trying to sort it all out…I’ve been stalling. 13 weeks worth of assignments due today and of course I’ve gotten nothing done. Failing this semester is no fault of my own. I’ve emailed him and nothing. I’ve done everything I could to keep up and I’m just falling behind. It’s up to me to pay for my own classes now…and to keep up with the work…but that class was total bullshit. I would spend 2 hours looking for one 10 minute assignment. Whoever is letting this professer keep “teaching” this class needs to have their eyes opened. I can’t even go down to the college to talk to him because he lives in a separate timezone. This is bullshit and it isn’t fair to us college students who are trying our best to pass…Oh wait…did I not mention that this is a highschool class? Yeah, I found out that it’s duel-enrollment. All those little highschoolers getting all the help they could possibly need and I’m screwed. On that note, I honestly miss the highschool environment. It was incredibly shitty....but not nearly as bad as this is now. I’ll be honest I feel like a total failure. I’m hoping that if I take some time off to get a job and work on getting myself to a new environment, I will be able to concentrate better on furthering my education.

Job: I had a job as a care aide for a 7-8 year old boy from January-July. I quit because the mother was having me do a TON of extra work and not paying me for it. I was a care aid…not a house keeper. And on top of that she had me watch her infant sometimes, also, which I shouldn’t have had to do in the first place. That, and the part where I was only allowed to work 34 hours and If I went over that, someone else was supposed to take my place…and instead she had me fill out respite time sheets… Yeah… Something about that is against the company and I’m pretty sure parts of it were also illegal. It was a nightmare but it was two houses down and I love that boy. His sisters, too. I just couldn’t stand to work with that woman anymore. She had no respect for me and anytime she said we would “discuss” something it was just her telling me what she wanted with absolutely no choice in the matter. Boy misses me too, sometimes. He came down to use my can opener one day and was just so excited to see me. I came to see him on Halloween and had a nice chat with his mom. She’s not a bad person at all, she’s a shitty boss.... I applied to Petsmart and a babysitting job…so far nothing. I’m still looking, still hopeful. I want to be a nanny/babysitter/care aid/daycare worker. Any of those suit me well…too bad I haven’t been able to find anything yet. Fingers crossed though! Maybe petsmart will call me back....I’m flat broke and sick of it. I think I have, like, $1.70 to my name.

Boyfriend: We are great! 2 years and 1 month! I don’t know what to say about him that I haven’t already but I just love him so much.

Moving: Boyfriend and I are moving sometime between February and June. We’ve got our cat, our dog, and a whole future ahead of us. I can’t wait! We’re most likely going to move into an apartment with two of our friends at first and see how that goes before going and getting an apartment of our own, but at least it’s a start! It’s going to be a new and great adventure. I can’t wait to spend every night with him. I’ve been warned that we’re going to end up fighting constantly like cats and dogs…but that’s just not the kind of people we are. I’m not worried. I’m sure we’ll fight every now and then but we do that already. We work well together and we’ve spent so much time together that I highly doubt this will be a bad thing for us. Frankly it’ll be a few hours apart before one of us says “I miss you” It’s going to be better for us, if anything. I’m so excited! Not only am I moving out for the first time, but I get to move in with the love of my life. I get to spend every night sleeping with the person I’d be more than happy to spend the rest of my days with, and if that isn’t fucking magical I don’t know what is.

Crafts: I got my first quietbook swap completely done! My pages were late and very last minute, but it all worked out well. In the swap you make 10 of the same page and then get yours and 9 different ones back. It’s a lot of fun! I got my pages back a few days ago. Everyone’s pages are adorable and I can’t wait to sew them into a book. I might need to do a rag quilt first…I’ve never used a sewing machine before. Either way it is going to be great fun to learn something new! I have another swap to be sent out the end of January…this one is 20 pages! It’s an apple picking page. That will be a lot of fun as well. I’m hoping to be a part of an alphabet swap as well sometime later. Maybe I’ll see if they’ll allow me to host a swap. That would be neat, too, I’d get to participate or I could just be the one to get/send all the pages. Either way.... I’m thinking about making a few people things for christmas but I’m not sure yet and it would require getting more felt…which I can’t afford at the moment.... I’m hoping to learn to knit or crochet in the near future, that’s my next project. I love the sense of “I made this!!” that comes with crafting.

Health: I’ve been working on drinking enough water every day…and failing miserably. I drink about 16oz water every day. I know it’s super unhealthy but I’m just really not that thirsty. I’m working on it.... After all the shit with the stress of that job, I managed to gain about 30 pounds. It’s been a huge struggle for me. I’m not fat by any means, but I can’t help but feel that way. I weighed within the same 5 pound range from when I was 12 all the way until I was 20. It’s such an uncomfortable feeling and I’m hoping to get myself into a healthy workout routine and seeing how that goes for me. I want to lose the 30 pounds again. I want to do it in a way that is healthy and won’t harm my body. I’ve always had issues with the way I look, and the way it makes me feel, but I was finally comfortable in my own skin and then this happened. I’m determined to get back to where I was at. I know I’ll feel better both physically and mentally…enough about that… I’ve got 4 cavities that I know of that I’m trying to keep from getting worse. Not having insurance of any kind sucks so badly. I’m not getting into that right now, though, because that in itself will be another entry-long paragraph. I’m just worried about the state of my teeth…I’ve always been prone to cavities and not plaque. I’m so worried.... My psoriasis is getting bad again but that’s not really a big deal. It hasn’t gotten better since I was probably a senior in highschool. (For those who don’t know me, that’s 3.5 years ago.). I’ve got just enough of the steroid-oil-stuff to get rid of it…but I’m saving it for when it gets severe. I can’t afford the 800-something for another 2oz bottle....Last thing I can think of is that I’m growing my hair out to donate…I still have another 3-4 inches before I can cut it. It’s getting annoying but it’s for a good cause. Maybe I’ll see if 8 inches is enough… I want to start taking vitamins and such every day like it’s recommended.

Writing: Starting this year I had a goal to write an entry a day and that all went to hell once I started the job…Maybe next year. Maybe I’ll start now…or maybe after Christmas. I miss it. I miss the creativity of it. I miss having my thoughts out somewhere tangible.

Games: I’ve played a shit-ton of fallout 4… 2.5 days worth to be specific. I doubled what my boyfriend had played, plus a little extra. I completed the pokedex in his Omega Ruby…my Alpha Sapphire is next…maybe. We’re trying to accomplish having a living dex as well as a shiny living dex. It’s going to be complicated. I find myself really wanting to play the sims but I’m afraid it will crash my computer. He’s not been doing so well lately..maybe windows 10 will help. I’ve also been playing a lot of Family Guy: The Quest For Stuff lately. It’s a great distraction.

Room: I’m working on sorting/selling/donating/trashing and such everything I can. I feel crowded. I’m too damned sentimental and I know it…but I don’t actually have all that much. I just don’t have a big enough space. I might post before/afters… maybe. I’m not going to work anymore tonight as it’s already 3-something.

Sleep: I’ve been going from sleeping 1-6 to sleeping 4-12 and honestly I find myself thinking of getting up at 6 as more appealing than sleeping so late…I feel I get so much more done when I don’t miss the morning. It’s not really on purpose though, I sort-of sleep whenever I’m able.

Christmas: I’m too broke to get anyone anything…but I have a plan for boyfriend. I’m going to buy a case of blue Jone’s soda and relable them to look like Nuka Cola Quantum ( Fallout reference). That’s pretty much the only thing I can do. I want so badly to be able to get the things I want to for everyone. Being broke sucks.

Friends: Well…I haven’t hung out with anyone but boyfriend, Lizzie, or Steven in about a month. It’s not bad..I just miss my friends. I don’t really know why we aren’t hanging out…maybe we’re all just busy. I’m honestly not sure who is really friends with me and who just keeps me around because we’re in the same group. Guess time will tell. I know Momo and Gina are mine…That’s about it. Daryan sometimes. I don’t know who I even can hang out with even more. It’s a little depressing. It’ll work itself out, I’m sure.

Me: I’ve been working on improving myself. I’ve discovered something about myself that I’ve always known…but now I have a word for it…not only that but I have a community of people who are on the same page as me. It’s wonderful!

I think that’s about it for now. I don’t know what else to write about, honestly.

All in all I’m content with how things are right now, but I’m ready to make some big changes. Look for more entries because there will be many.

Goodnight, All <3

“You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday

Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it’s good to be someone

And maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday

And I don’t want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow

*Cause maybe someday
We’ll figure all this out
We’ll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow
Someday*

Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again”

This is going to be my theme song for a while now…and it has been.

Bring on the change.