MiniMeltDown in meh...

I ran into nice neighbor guy again and spent a few minutes talking to him. I came home and went to withdraw some money so that I can work toward getting my car fixed. Used a little money I still had to get something for dinner.

Asked my son to break down the boxes in recycling and get all the recycleable stuff and put it in the bag. And he did, but didn’t do anything beyond that so it was still kind of jacked up. I called him into the kitchen and said something to him about it and he was kind of making a joke, but it turned into a mini meltdown for me.

I went on a rant about how I wasn’t supposed to have a broken down car right now and I was supposed to be getting Christmas gifts and I have a job that I landed for the trivia night that I have to see through and I can’t because I’m short on funds, and he’s got school commitments I have to pay for and I have books I have to buy for next semester. I started crying while I was talking, and my son hugged me and said don’t cry mom. After the hug I just leaned up against the pantry door and started again with the “I had plans to do other stuff”.

So I told my uncle this morning that I will postpone getting my car fixed because I have commitments I need to honor (all of the stuff I whined about up there) including STILL having not gone to the grocery store.

He then started in on me about needing to “walk closer to Jehovah” I was like Oh Gawd here he goes. So I told him that while I don’t broadcast much about my intimate self, I am trying. I pray continually to know the difference between a sign and a test. Maybe there is a lesson I need to learn or something I’m being kept from. I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. It’s not fair, but I can’t sulk and whine about it forever.

I’m still tapping into these darn Richard & Karen Carpenter sounds. Went to bed thinking about Rainy Days & Mondays and Hurting Each other has been on repeat in my head for the last two days. I don’t think I will get sick of hearing it in the sense that it’s getting played out, but I’m getting sick of it constantly being in my head and effecting me. Again it affects me because I see my lost potential in being a star, but also in that Richard’s genius and Karen’s emotional evocations are just off the charts. These are people I probably would have liked to be friends with. Where are my Richard and Karen Carpenter??

At any rate, that’s my schpiel for the day.
Take care.

Kindest regards,
Sister

Last updated December 15, 2015