Rambles and also how the first appt went in Days of My Destiny

It's been a busier-than-usual week.

I'm looking forward to our holiday.

I almost sold my dining table today, except the lady that came all the way out here to see it hadn't taken note of the measurements on the ad, so she's gone now and will let me know if she'll take it or not. She really wants it.

M sang at her presentation night, she did really well, I filmed her and am proud that she had her first ever proper performance :) (it was a group performance but still!)

The social worker was...... well, we don't know how we feel about the appointment. It was almost as if our case is too easy for her, but we feel that she didn't really hear the whole story, either. She kept dismissing the fact that I DID NOT CONNECT with my daughter for the first two years of her life at an emotional or mental level, and she kept saying things like, "If indeed there was no connection..." - she explained that sometimes us mothers really get a huge sense of guilt over things that really weren't so bad. She asked if my child has been abused, and at one point said that I LOOK like a good mum. I mean.... sure, I AM a good mum, but it doesn't dismiss the fact that I KNOW I didn't connect and it is WHY we have ended up in that room! And yeah okay, I didn't abuse drugs or alcohol or abuse my child in the first two years of her life, but it does not mean that my case isn't serious. I KNOW it's not the MOST serious case, but I wanted at least to be TAKEN seriously. I get the feeling that because it's a free service, she probably normally gets the worst of the worst - so to her, our case would be a breeze. She recommended a parenting book to us, and fair enough, I'm open to it. I will read it, and I'm meant to go back in about 5 weeks time and let her know how we're getting on with the book and if things have changed. The thing is....... I've reached out for professional help because I sincerely believe that the help we need is beyond the books. I told her I've read a lot, and yes she was surprised, but at the appointment, she still kept talking to us as if we are dumb. She was talking about a website we could look up, but warned that it is ".....intellectual." (Remind me of Ipswich much?) But anyway.............. I'LL READ THE BOOK.

In any case, I do think that taking that step and actually going to the appointment was still a positive thing. I just can't really pinpoint why and I didn't really walk away feeling satisfied, but we'll see. I have told L that if we don't get the help we are seeking, then I WILL seek somebody else and I WILL NOT CARE how much they charge. (It was his idea to go to the free help - because he's a tight arse - and I cancelled a paying appointment I had already booked in order to go with the free one. Grr.)

I'm singing at the Christmas Carols at the Park tonight, I'm looking forward to that :)

PS M's swimming is going really well now, not sure if I've mentioned that. She swims for a metre or two at a time, with her face in, she blows bubbles, she floats on her back. She's completely in her element in the pool, I've never seen her so happy! So will definitely be nurturing that!