sociology vs. dance in The Wonderland Years: 2015. Done.

this has nothing to do w/ the current happenings really.

Right so...........Tues. I met my new advocate Renee. she’s nice and so far i like her. um so we got to talking and something my mom wants for me [oh my mom was there too] is for me to do something 5 days a wk. well ok one I already do. just not outside of the house and she means outside of the house. and B I already do stuff 3 days out of the wk. i don’t think i would like being that busy. and um 3 I like my life now. maybe she doesn’t but I do. and it’s not her life. well i mean yes she’s part of it. I’m ok w/ how things are. so i’m not going to break something that’s not broken. that doesn’t make sense to do that.
So they were saying I could like take a class or get involved in acting again. yeah well here’s the thing. A: I don’t want to get to know new people. but i’m ok meeting them. again i don’t think it’s better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. now I don’t know that my mom knows about Pat and that’s the reason I don’t want to get to know new people. believe me if i did i would’ve by now. I have friends I just don’t see them. it’s not my fault they’ve moved to other states. [well except for evan. [well for right now] but she & i don’t talk much about that]. So when we were talking about acting I went ‘well I like going to the theater’. which isn’t like. being dishonest or anything i do like going.
if I were at some point to take a class and [this is for when i’m ready] I’d love to take sociology again. took it in college and really liked it. that’s not the only reason I’d rather take sociology than like a dance class. The other reason is cause as I’ve mentioned I’m insanely self conscious and I wouldn’t want my parents esp. my dad coming to watch me in class. If I lived in new york or london or somewhere where they weren’t then I’d be ok being in theater. or taking a dance class.
so. um yeah that happened.