Lithe in Every day scata

I should have come here yesterday… or was it Saturday. Regardless I really should have come here. I had the words to describe everything going on. They were right there, and I ignored them.

I always write a bit better when I am depressed.

Today I’m depressed and anxious, so my thoughts are just a jumbled mess.

Pam had surgery a few weeks ago. They found cancer in her uterus (did I mention this already? I feel like I did). Today she had a CT scan of her abdomen and pelvis done. I wanted to scream at the nurse “Do the chest too! That’s where uterine cancer spreads to first!”

I hate google.

But they didn’t do the chest. If I go with her to the follow up appointment, I’ll have to mention it.

We don’t know what the plan is yet. Won’t know until the follow-up. So I’m anxious.

I know I bitch and complain about how we just don’t ever get it right with our relationship, but we have been together for 15 years. We may sometimes hate each other, but we do love and care about each other at the same damn time.

We’re just a fucking mess of a relationship, but you guys knew that already.

If, and that is a big IF they say she needs chemo… I don’t know how I’m going to handle everything. I’m taking care of mom, then I’ll have to take care of Pam, driving her back and forth (not a short trip) to appointments.

I know it all hinges on whether or not she’ll even say yes to chemo if it is needed. She may say no, depending on what they see on the scans.

I’m hoping they don’t see a damn thing.