Pursued in Random Thoughts

I have some catharsis to achieve, but don’t have the time to tell my story. Perhaps i will get to it today some time.

My heart feels like it is sodden, so heavy. I am avoiding initiating conversation (texting) with him, but i do respond to his.

I am decompressing between a pre-meeting and the actual meeting by writing. Ha. Ugh. Life as a special education teacher is full of meetings and paperwork. I am happy and lucky that i have a strong team of teachers to work with (but i won’t get into it about one person..... bleh)

Pursued. Like Neko Case says in her song Guided By Wire,

“I could never choose the ones to love
And the ones who took the credit left me reeling”

Rarely had i ever been pursued by someone until i met Dios. I was hesitant at the beginning, especially after coming out of the wreck of my relationship with Kevin. Dios knew that he wanted me, knew that we should be together. Dreamed. He dreamed and talked about those dreams. What would it be like to move up here, or could i move down there. Near the beginning, when i was unsure it was even something i was interested in entertaining the thought of.

But, you know… it felt good. To be desired. To be told that i was the right one. To have someone want to include me in their dreams of the future. Kevin never did that, and so desperately did i want to make future plans, or even just dreams about what could be.

It may have been difficult, to the point where i decided that our trip to Turkey would be the point in which i would either continue or break it off. I continued.

And there was the Dom/sub dynamic that drew me in.

And there was his talk about buying a house up here.

What are my preferences? Looking at placed in my neighborhood.

Ugh. Its time for the meeting. I shouldn’t have even started.

Last updated November 18, 2015