Survey Sunday (though it's Monday) in Stolen surveys.

Nov. 15, 2015, 5:24 p.m. Public

Will you agree to let a lover use your toothbrush?

I would let her pee on my face, stick my tongue up her ass, squirt in my mouth, but no…she will not be using my toothbrush, that’s disgusting.

In your bad dreams do you ever throw the slow motion punch?
Not that I recall.

Do you eat or give away pickles?
I eat my pickles, and it’s one of the few things that I may accept off someone else’s plate.

Do you match and ball socks or just dump them, en masse, in the drawer?

I buy the same color (black) so that I don’t have to sort them. I dump them, along with my underwear into a big plastic bin, which is also the preferred sleeping spot for my cat. When she first slept there I couldn’t figure out why she smelled so good. Thought I was hallucinating it. Then sometime later, I realized she smelled like fabric softener from the sox bin.

Do you bisect your sevens with one of those squiggly hyphens? When writing the number 2 do you loop the bottom?

That is how we were taught to do it in Europe, in elementary school. This was because our 1’s kind of look like 7s. The reason we do the squiggly thing on the bottom of the 2’s is just because we are a superior race.

When eating out, do you set your knife atop your plate and change hands?

No, that is totally retarded. When cutting food, and eating it, I have the fork in my left hand, cut with my right, and then eat with the fork in the left. No need for switching.

Do you tear into wrapped presents or open them neatly with the spoken intent to save the paper?

Tear them up.

Would you rather drive or be driven?
Drive. It’s a control thing for me.

Do you engage strangers in conversations on airplanes?

I try hard to look unengagiable. I don’t mind exchanging a few polite words, but unless they are super interesting (never happens) or very cute, I don’t want to be bothered.

Do you own a bathrobe?

Yes, a super heavy one, that I got from my step father. It was given to him in the early 90’s but he never wore it. When he realized that I liked robes he gave it to me.
It’s kind of falling apart now, but I love that thing. Probably wont find a replacement for it, because it’s of such high quality.

Are they still there, those ascending horizontal lines that marked your growth as a child up a wall or a door?

I doubt it, but if I ever got back into that house again, I might just scrape the paint down until I find those lines, for sentimental reasons. I’m weird like that.

Can you write at all with your opposite hand?
Yes, writing with my left hand isn’t that difficult for me.
Now, jerking off with it, is a major challenge.

Do audiences affect your attempts to urinate or parallel park?

I can pee with other people around if I have to go bad enough, but I can’t go when told to do so at the doctors office, unless I drink a lot of fluid before hand.\

Do you bookmark or dog-ear your books?
Book mark hard cover books, dog ear paperbacks.

Do you mind fighting losing battles?
Depends. Generally speaking, I tend to be too lazy to even fight winning battles. I rather just go around an obstacle or ignore it.

Do you check the dates on coins?
Often times I do. It’s interesting to think about the things that went on on the date the coins were minted. It’s also cool to find something that is rather old, like a coin from the 30s that is still in circulation. If only those things could talk.

Do you like to be the one who holds the tickets (for airplanes, movies, etc.)?

Yes, because they go into my “ticket,” pocket, and will be there when it’s time to find them. No searching around in some woman’s cluttered purse.

Can you sleep with socks on?

I can when it’s really cold, but prefer not to.

Are you a sucker for foreign accents?

I don’t care either way, even though supposedly I have an accent. However, many seem to think it’s southern instead of foreign. What it really is, is that I speak slower, with a bit of a southern thing (dont know why since I never lived in the south) when I’m super relaxed.

Are you skilled at giving directions?

Yes, it basically consists of “Here, I put in the address, and you can look at my GPS. It’s the 21st century.” I find it weird when people ask for directions these days. Most cars come with a GPS, and so do most cell phones.

Is your name frequently mispronounced?

All the fucking time. I would love to change it to something easy, but after looking into it, I think it would be a bitch to do and have it go on my naturalization papers. Passports, drivers licenses would not be hard.

Do you attempt to pronounce foreign words correctly, such as calling a crescent-shaped roll a cwaSAHN?
Yes.

Do you think grades in school mattered?
Not for me.

Can you tie a tie? What about a bowtie?

I can tie a regular tie, but it’s a half windsor. Probably could do a regular one if I had time to try to remember how.
Bow tie? If I ever wear one, shoot me please.

Does making a good list ever feel like an accomplishment in itself?

I dont think that I have ever made a really good list.

Have you ever been on fire? Like literally?

Not yet, but let’s not give up hope.

Are your faucets tricky to the point where were an out-of-towner to use your shower, you’d feel the need to give a tutorial?

I don’t like fancy things, for the sake of fanciness, so all of my faucets are simple enough for even a negro to operate.
(I mean they might end up being a ghetto lobster, but at least they could likely turn it on)

Do you tend (or did you tend) to date people older or younger than yourself?

For dating I preferred a few years younger. For fucking I didn’t care either way. But younger tends to be sexier, although older can be so grateful to see a real dick that it can be more fun then a younger.

When walking or driving with a companion in a place where your companion is familiar and you are not, do you tend not to pay any attention whatsoever?

I am always willing to give up having to pay attention.

Do the number of beaches you’ve been on exceed your fingers?

Definitely, and I don’t even like the beach.
But ever since that sawmill accident back in ‘62, it’s not hard to exceed my number of fingers in anything.