NoJoMo Day12 in Musings and Daily Events

So M indeed did not see me this morning.

He did call me however. That was sweet. He told me to call him later. Maybe I will do just that.

I think I have a test today but I’m not entirely positive. I studied a bit for it anyway, just in case. I’m totally not prepared but hey maybe a miracle will happen and I wont totally bomb.

I miss M. God this new advisor thing is getting to me.

She’s a tall, pretty blonde, closer to M’s age. She likes to talk and laugh and is all over him. It’s sickening (not like I don’t totally do the same thing lol).

Part of me is like hop off he’s mine. Part of me is like eh whatever let him do what he wants. Apparently, he doesn’t like her like that. I asked and he was like don’t be jealous. Yeah whatever.

Speaking of jealous, I spoke to Z yesterday. He’s doing well and just trying to get his business up and going. We made plans to see each other and spend the night together on Monday into Tuesday but we’ll see how that goes.

Part of me really wants to. Part of me really doesn’t.

I want to because, hey it’s Z! He’s awesome and we have a fantastic connection and the world feels right when we’re together.

I don’t because I know this is mostly one sided. I really like him. He likes me well enough. He enjoys my calming presence (and of course my blowjobs) but I’m like a soundboard for him. I never judge and I let him do whatever he wants without getting uptight about it.

I would also feel bad. If I stay over with Z then I’m choosing to take time away from E. It’s one thing if Z and I meet up while he’s at work or whatever....but this is me choosing to be with another man over my man, you know? It’s different.

How can I lie in bed next to Z knowing that I could be in bed with the man I love?

Damn it.