Way Down We Go in Every day scata

P had surgery today. Hysterectomy with oopherectomy… meaning they took her ovaries too.

No major complications, they just had a hard time getting to her uterus. She’s going to be sore for a while. She’s overnight at the hospital, but in all honesty she could have come home tonight.

But, it IS kinda nice to have the house to myself… listening to music as loud as I want.

Yeah, I know I’m alone during the day, but she works downstairs so I can’t crank up the music. This is nice.

I’m coloring my bangs right now. Something I’ve been meaning to do for weeks … even though I should have all the time in the world, I never have time for shit like this. I never have time for me. I live by the clock, watching it, calculating how much time I have between tasks. This is the first time I can listen to my music, drink my coffee, and vape..

Speaking of vaping, I’m day five without a cigarette. I was dying today. Made it through though.... barely.

I had no choice but to quit. I don’t have the money for meds, I seriously don’t have the money to smoke. I’ve had the pen vape for a while, but never really used it. I’m putting it to good use now. and I have the lozenges (yeah had to buy those) So if I stick to it… it would be nice. :sigh: I just don’t have any faith in myself.

Been doing a lot of coloring lately. It’s keeping me busy. Some come out awesome, and I’m totally impressed with myself, but then I color one that looks like a 4 year old did it and I get pissed off at myself. :sigh: I’m a perfectionist when it comes to my photography, and my coloring. Oh and my cooking. But one look at my desk, you will see that I’m not a neat person at all. There is clutter surrounding me.

If I had more time, I may write more. Not that anyone reads me, but still it would be nice to get back into the habit.

”Dirty hands
darling, you earned your scars.
But they won’t understand
all they see is trembling
but they call it luck
or fate
and it was neither.
It was you
and your scars
and all your precious blood.
That made you, you. ~ Dave Wise