A sad good-bye in Life

This weekend Lizzie started having problems that made me realize that some of what I was contributing to old age or contrariness was actually probably the beginnings of a problem. I realized that she wasn’t eating and she was starting to have trouble breathing. Even her meow sounded different. She would lick the liquid off the wet food and then cough and gag like she couldn’t get it to go down. With that and the breathing problems, I think she had a mass or obstruction. By Sunday night I knew that it was bad and had decided I was going to have to really think about making that final decision. This morning was rough. She was hurting and kept coming to me and giving this heartbreaking wail/cry like she was begging me to do something. Her eyes were dilated, you could barely see the yellow. I felt like I had to be at school today, but as soon as the vet’s office opened, I called and explained the situation. They told me to bring her in as soon as I could this afternoon. I got emotional having to make that call and my co-workers made me go home. (I officially won’t be complaining about them for a while.) When I got home, she was in the window and I knew instantly that she was gone. Sunday evening she seemed to be trying to find a place to hide, and I know that when their time comes, many animals choose to be alone. I hate that I wasn’t here with her at the end, but I don’t think she would have been so calm and in her window, and that’s where she would have wanted to end her time on Earth. I made a deal with God a while back asking that I not have to make the decision and to bring her in to be put down. I did have to call, but I didn’t have to bring her in, so I guess he kept his word.
I miss my girl, though. Almost 14 years with her, this place seems very quiet and lonely.