Work, sleep, some fun, Dan. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I ended up having to work all day today because someone was sick and I made $95. I worked all day yesterday too and made $94, so things are definitely kicking ass. The beginning of the week I only made between $30-$35 every night so I am very grateful I made as much as I did today and yesterday. I’m super tired and glad I don’t work until 4:30 tomorrow. Work has been going super awesome and everyday I’m still so happy to be back where I belong.

I went out with one of my co-workers Friday night and we had so much fun. We went to a bar and has shots of tequila and long islands. We were really fucking tore so I had him sleep on my couch. I had some guy come over that I had met online. He ended up not being anywhere near as cute as he was in the pictures he’d sent. He was about 10 years old than me and wanted more than just a hook up. I let him go down on me and then told me he had to go because my friend and I had a meeting at 7am and it was already 2:30 am. I was pissed that he didn’t look anywhere near as good in his pictures and annoyed that he wanted to have sex when he didn’t have a condom! Um, yeah it’s a big no on that one! He was blowing up my phone the next morning so to get rid of him, I told him my ex and I were trying to work things out and he’s left me alone since.

Dan. OMFG. Alright so ....I text him on Thursday to get my charger and he met up with me to give it to me. Well, we got to talking and he had me ride with him so he could get his hunting license. He bought me this pretty pink knife. Was being super sweet so we made plans to hang out when we both got off work. Well, he got cut before me and he said they were all being mean to him but then I get the full story from our co-worker that I hung out with Friday night. He kept fucking things up and has a terrible habit to take home free food. He irritates people there and that’s why he got cut super early. Well, he kept blowing up my phone wanting me to get off early so I could ride with him to his parents house so he could get his shotgun.

I get off and meet him at my house. He asks me to come inside and get him some hand towels so he could wipe off the inside of his windshield, which I did. Well then I notice very early on before we even leave town (his parents live about 25 miles outside of town) that’s he’s not being very nice, but he’s not being completely mean either. We stop to get something to drink at the gas station and instead of paying for my $1.29 fountain drink, he hurries up and pays for his drinks and books it out the door. Um, okay. I was upset by this because I had taken my glasses off because they were hurting my eyes and giving me a headache so he knew I couldn’t really see very well but still heads out to his truck. We get his gun from his parents and then starts telling me about one of the guys that works with him has a beautiful girlfriend (that’s a 10 btw) and at this point, I’m honestly getting my feelings hurt so I just get quiet. I don’t like to argue.

He keeps asking me what’s wrong and I just tell him I wanted to be quiet. Well, there ends up being black ice so he has to drive even slower, which is frustrating as hell because I just want to get the fuck home and away from this bullshit. We got to McDonald’s and of course I pay for his food because I just don’t want to deal with a big fight if I didn’t and then something gets said about love and he said, “I don’t think we loved each other, I think we just had a lot of like” alright so after he makes this comment, I don’t speak another fucking word until he drops me off and tries to hand me the towels I’d given him earlier to wipe off his windshield and just said, “I don’t want that” and got out, nicely shut the door and came inside. I was seriously so upset, I turned off my phone (something I NEVER do) and cried myself to sleep.

This guy has done nothing but make me feel like I’m just this crazy, bi-polar manic that will snap at any moment that that doesn’t deserve to be loved. When he said what he did, it made me feel like he didn’t mean it every time he told me he loved me. It seriously cut like a knife, I haven’t had someone hurt me like that since my ex of 2 years ago. This person has made me feel like I’m just really hard to get along with and never had ANY consideration or regard for me as a human being. I’d put up with way more than I ever should have and this whole thing has made me question so many things.

I’m never going to let anyone make me feel like I don’t deserve to be loved. So many of the people I know are people who have been around for YEARS and I don’t think I’m nearly as difficult as this person has made me seem. I also really resent the fact that he’s still talked about me negatively to the people at our other location. I find it to be a lot of bullshit that he doesn’t tell them the whole story, he leaves out the parts that make him look bad. This entire situation has done nothing but piss me off and above all, hurt me.

I wish I was still the bitch I was years ago where I seriously didn’t give any kind of a fuck about anyone and has absolutely no filter at all. If he would have met me then, I would totally understand him saying the things he’s currently said. Even my best friend the other day told me that she loved me but she knew he wasn’t right for me so after him and I hung out, I couldn’t help but think about how much I’d wanted to prove her wrong but all he did was prove how right she actually was.

Anyways, I’ve just been working so much that I really don’t even think about this shit too much anymore but whenever I do, I just think how shitty this person has treated me and how lucky I am to be back where I belong, making way better money and a lot happier within myself. This person was absolutely horrible to me but at least now I know that it would never work out and got the closure I needed. Whenever I think about him, I just think about how much he used me, how he always has something mean to say to me, how I don’t have to put up with that dog anymore and I can just do whatever I want without having to worry about someone else.

I think I might be getting a head cold. My nose is always running, it runs so much that it’s raw from me wiping it. I really need to get some serious sleep before I fucking crash. I know I’m close to burn out from working so much and getting only one day off a week. I didn’t see little one on Friday because my brother and his girlfriend were fighting. I haven’t seen her at all this weekend and my brother doesn’t even bother to mention it. He does manage to text to see if I can have Black Friday off so I can watch her. Yeah, great brother I have. Doesn’t care if I see her unless it works for them. Awesome.

I’m gonna watch tv and pass out. Hopefully I can write more tomorrow about things.