It's Me Again! in Book Two: The Fifteenth Year of the Third Millennium of the Common Era

I got home about thirty minutes before Wife. Ha. Leave for work while she’s still asleep, get home just before her. I am a worker. I am making money.
She… yelled at me. She’s livid with how I’ve “let” my job screw me. She is furious that I don’t have an option to just.... not do the law library.... that I would have to quit in order to get out. She was also pissed that I’m giving so much. Technically, I could put in minimal hours… not do extra work… not stay all day… and just, ultimately, force the department to deal with their own shit. She’s right. I could. But two things make that difficult. First: honor. Seriously. It is important to me. And honor is about integrity. I’m doing a job, I should do it well. Second: Money. If I can’t get a Law Job… I’m gonna need to earn as much money as possible!! But… it is something to consider.
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Wife had a doctor’s appointment this morning, just a bit of a check up. She comes home furious and ranting. She doesn’t like her doctor, she doesn’t like how they draw blood every 6 months, she doesn’t like how they make her do a huge run around for her adderall. She gets super pissed that they take all of this blood and never tell her the results. Then she complains that they set her next appointment in June; when we “won’t even live in this city.” Lots of anger. To which she openly stated: Everything in this town just pisses me off!

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First big thing I had to do this morning was return two phone calls.
(1) Keokuk County Attorney: Did not get the job. Which is okay, Wife was telling me how she strongly desperately hoped I wouldn’t get that job. She did not want to move to a town of only 2,000 people. Funny thing is? The job went to a guy with 5 years of experience. THANKS, shitty economy! Guy was an assistant county attorney in a city of 2,000 people.... where the county attorney also had to have a private practice to make ends meet. So the guy they hired took the Keokuk job so he could focus more on County Attorney work. Of course, the county where he left isn’t looking to hire a replacement. Shitty shitty market for Lawyers right now.
(2) Child Support Recovery Unit: Decorah, IA. They were scheduling a phone interview for Thursday the 12th. Job’s pay scale is from $30-45k and is mostly (it sounds like) debt collection. But… work. Of course, Wife’s immediate response was negative. Not enough money for a move that would involve considerable expenses and have us live in a Private College Town. But.... shrug. I’m fairly certain that she is thoroughly convinced that there are only 3 cities she could ever accept living in… and I don’t have the magic powers to make sure I get a job in one of those cities.
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Next… I had to go see a doctor of my own! I still haven’t been able to find a doctor in Omaha… yeah, I admit… I don’t like Omaha either… but my Fibromyalgia Rx is about to run out. That would be bad. I’ve been working so much and been so exhausted that it has been difficult to find the time to (again) try to find a doctor who will give me Rx drugs. I went in to the Urgent Care Clinic desperately hoping they would help me. Not because the medical emergency was so great (though, it certainly can be) but because Wife has now added this Rx Drug thing to the list of things for which I get yelled at. So… if Urgent Care wouldn’t help me out… not only would I be risking extreme pain, depression, and other physical/emotional issues… I would also have to deal with a Wife that would use this “victory” of hers to strengthen her arguments (I was right about X so I’m right about Y) for the next few months.
And of course the Urgent Care doesn’t “do Rx medications.” Grrrreaaat.

This means that my next step is to call my doctor from Des Moines that first prescribed the medication over a year ago. A call I shan’t make while Wife is still in the house. Because, yes, this is the length I go to in order to avoid being yelled at. Too much yelling and anger in this house already.

And yes… that means I won’t make it into the Law Library until late/late-ish… but Ha! Good! and Fuck ‘em! I’ll still get housing units taken care of. And, since/if my goal is to finish all female mods, all min sec mods and two max mods.... then I’ll still have gotten through most of it… and those fuckers can get someone on the weekend. After all, as I may have said… when there are 29 housing units, all requiring no less than 1.5 hours… plus paperwork… plus interviews… plus court shifts.... you’re asking one part-time person to put in over 65 hours. Which… should obviously be considered horse-shit. So.... yeah. You should just bloody expect to have someone help out on the weekends. Uf, I’m becoming like my Wife… starting a thought in one place and then getting off on an angry work tirade.

So, I call my Des Moines doctor to schedule an appointment and to see if it was able to extend my Rx a little before I get the chance to see him. Nurse on the phone was pretty confused as to why someone who lives in Omaha was calling. We got the ONLY available appointment on his calendar.... November 19th @ 4. Sarcastic awesome. That means I have to schedule (yet another) random trip out to Des Moines.... this time, a 4 hour round trip just to see a friggin’ doctor. Hopefully, the Rx Extension that was part of that agreement goes through without a hitch or I’ll be sorely frustrated.

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Work Crush told me that the prosecutor’s office where I interned at is having some attorneys retire soon. That is DEFINITELY something to keep an eye on! They haven’t posted anything yet but… shit, I’ll jump on that if they decide to replace those retirees. But… of course… I mentioned it to Wife and she is SUPER unhappy. Because, yeah… we’ll be in Iowa… but we might as well be in Omaha since those cities are practically conjoined twins.
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Not at all surprising… I just received the rejection for Disability Rights. So that makes at least 42 Jobs applied to… at least 8 interviews… and ZERO job offers. How am I not supposed to feel like a kicked puppy again? So… 18 years of school P-B.A.... 3 years of law school with distinction… passing the bar exam… and nobody wants to hire me? Really… I’m starting to take it personally!!

Because frankly… if it was all for nothing? If I’ve worked this hard, gone through this much, and dealt with as much as I have… for nothing.... then what is the point? Is it just a cosmic lesson that a pain disorder and being shit on can break anybody? Or… what? I don’t wish to be dramatic at all but seriously… the more and more this keeps happening… I can feel the tiny strings of suicidal thoughts tugging. Not strong, hell… I have too much honor and too much connection with family to ever actually kill myself but… that whole “my existence is pointless, I have no purpose, the only thing I do well is fail” kind of mentality gets a bit louder each time.

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I promised myself and my wife that I would only be in the Law Library from 1445-2045 today. Because… I do need to sort of force the Higher Ups to recognize… if I were to do what they want? I’d be in the law library for 50 hours a week. That doesn’t even really include my other duties and responsibilities. And that is unacceptable. So… some days, they are going to have to deal with a 6 hour shift. Cuz guess what! I still have to do mate interviews today… so it still comes out to a 9 hour day. And even if that weren’t the case… Lets take my “compromise” of a 6 hour day… and apply it to a five day work week. 30 hours. That is still dangerously close to full time. And besides… I will still do days where I do considerably more than 6 hours. So… I guess for right now? I’m writing this to partially convince myself that it is okay. Not almost-killing yourself for work is acceptable.... a sentence that is still hard for me to accept.

Notes from The Law Library

• My boss actually called 4 attorneys for me trying to get me work. Every single one of them said that they’ve had to layoff people because business is so bad. So… there’s that. Even the people IN the industry can’t get me work.
• Awesome when inmates berate me via Kite because they don’t want to follow the rules. A stack of paperwork all from the same guy saying Let me come down to the law library, I need to come down, You better let me come down… but the rules clearly state… if you are in our most dangerous mod, you can’t come down. Safety and security risk, you know. BUT… I understand the frustration… why does the Vicious Killer get to come down, but nobody else from that mod? I get it. The answer is still no. Stop it.
• Not Jail specific, but according to some studies floating around out there… Omaha is now home to one of the highest rates in sexually transmitted diseases in the nation.
• It is hard to be compassionate about this, though I know I should be. One man, 5 kites, all dated the same day, all saying the same thing “Want to come to Law Library.” I get that I have the burden of knowing how the system works and he doesn’t but… irritating as hell.
• So… as my mom is a music teacher, what I hear matters. I preface because I just got off the phone with one of the COs in one of our female mods and… yeah. Not sexy-husky voice; but that cute friendly kind of voice my ex Thompson had. Just… struck me. One of those times where I’m curious if she is as cute as she sounds.
• The female mods are nice because they are usually well behaved, focused, polite, and aren’t harassing me for 110 tiny things. That being said, the female mods also have some real heartbreak. A woman with a brilliant memory for faces… knows the name (by memory) of every one she’s ever seen in the jail… cripplingly addicted to alcohol and illegally obtained Rx pills. To the point of many many car accidents. Some fatal. And it is hard because there is so much more she could do and be other than a convict and an addict. But every time she’s out… she comes back in.
• Unlike the two people in the law library that I replaced… I’m not entirely hateful yet (somehow) so when I see a certain kite… I can be irritated but and annoyed but not entirely heartless. Guy in here is in the Dangerous Mod. He’s not allowed to come to the law library. He’s not allowed to do much. Because he is an active threat to himself and others. All over his kite demanding to come to the law library… he’s written things like “I want to know hot charge murder on someone… they trapped my soul…Im not a human… PLEASE help… I’m not that educated… they’re doing surgery on me in here.” My mind is irritated but my heart breaks. This is a man with ZERO connection to reality. A jail isn’t a good place for him. But there is no other place for him in this state. It’s hard.
• Doing the paperwork? Responding to Kites? Truly zaps any and all Give A Fuck in me. All gone. I can’t say it often enough. Literally, I can’t because even if all I said all day was this phrase, there would still be over 200 people here who wouldn’t believe me. I am not your attorney. I will not give you legal advice. I will not do legal research for you. Hire an attorney, trust your attorney, or do it yourself. Those are your options. Stop demanding I spend hours of my time, free of charge, doing your legal shit.

Rather like yesterday… I guess… here’s some kind of reward for getting all the way to the end of the bloody entry. Cosplays from GeekGirls.com


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