... Age three (story two). in tell me a story about when you were...

My first real memory is of li’l sis being born. It’s a series of snap shots and gifs in my mind but they all blend together to create this memory.

I remember that it was sunny, the living room was being extended. The porch was to be converted to add an extra 25% onto it. The recently converted integral garage, which had been a play room, was a temporary living room. I remember the habitat sofa and chairs, they had wooden arm rests and rubber bases with thin greeny black cushions. If you lay underneath them you could gouge out pictures from the rubber! I remember the excitement of having the living room in a different place and I remember my nana and grandad sitting in there. I was snuggled with my grandad - always loved snuggling my grandad. He was such an amazing, calm and accepting man.

I then remember going to visit mum and my new sister; they were at Fulford Maternity Hospital, just outside York. The room was green, light green and the sun shone on the walls. The bed my mum was in was huge and austere. It had bars on it and it felt like a huge barrier between us, I couldn’t climb on it to see my mum. I remember being on the bed but everybody was talking about, paying attention to the baby.

The next memory was mum coming home, we were in the newly finished living room, next to the sofa. I was excited about the baby, big sis and bro got to hold her. I waited for my turn but was told that I was too small to carry her and would have to sit down to hold her. I was so angry that I refused to do it. In that second I was emotionally separated from the two ‘big ones’ and was lumped with being one of the ‘small ones’. I resented my li’l sis for this, it was the moment that I decided I wanted nothing to do with her, ever. Sadly, this lasted throughout childhood and some of the way into teen years.

I regret hating my sister so much, I wish I could go back and change that little 3 year old’s feelings. Just let her hold the baby.

Last updated November 08, 2015