Infertility and Breastfeeding in Inside My Head

I had my appointment with my old infertility specialist today which I think we both agreed was sort of a waste of time (and a $30 copay). He told me at the end of the visit “You didn’t need to come in, we could’ve done this over the phone.” Well thank you. I told your office staff why I was coming in…no one mentioned to me to not make an appointment. I remember his bedside manner being better. He was sort of staring at his computer screen while talking to me which was unnnerving. RMA-NJ is the best in the business and this office is closest to me so I’ll keep my mouth shut an deal with it. It’s not like I’m not used to dealing with physicians who are jerks.

He won’t do anything with me in terms of tests or treatments until I’ve stopped breastfeeding. The plan is to stop breastfeeding soon, wait eight weeks and see if I get a period. If not they’ll give me medication(s) so I get my period and they’ll start doing blood tests, setting me up for IVF, etc. This sucks because Sam is only 10 months and I would’ve liked to give him longer to breastfeed. I also feel that Sam isn’t ready to be weaned. I feel awful weaning him early; he was put in daycare at 3 months old, I feel like breastfeeding is the least I can do for him.

My other fear is that Sam comes to me in a few years begging for a sibling amd I’m unable to give him one. I love my son, but I don’t want him to be my only baby. I know that there are many women dealing with infertility who give anything to have one baby. I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I am so incredibly thankful for Sam. He is my greatest accomplishment. I would just like to have more accomplishments if possible.

I also hate my job. My plan is to leave after my second maternity leave (if I get pregnant). I want to get the ball rolling soon so I can hopefully be out of that place sooner rather than later. I could leave my job, but it takes 3+ months for hospital credentialing to be completed, and I need to be working for my new employer for 12 months in order to qualify for paid maternity leave. (NJ is one of 3 states to have mandatory paid maternity leave). That would push off IVF for close to half a year and I don’t want to do that. So I’m sort of stuck in my job for now. So frustrating…I just want to get knocked up like all of my other family members and friends without having to go through this crap again.

Last updated November 02, 2015