day tripper in poetry

I think I’ll start calling myself an Indoorsman.
A two or three hour hike is lovely but I’ll apply my
scouting skills to making up a nice warm bed.
I sometimes like to wear a beard but
I’ll never pomade it like a show pony
I’ll never let suspenders get to my head.
Meditating on a rock is nice but
nothing makes me zone out like watching C-SPAN.
I guess I’ll start calling myself an Indoorsman.

A sturdy walking staff is very nice but
I’d rather play a bard that can hit with it twice
in Dragon Warrior or in Final Fantasy.
It’s certainly lovely a walk in the autumn rain
but I’d rather hear Slash
thrash his guitar about the same.

I can’t make fire with a bow-drill but
if we actually need to make fire with a bow-drill
there’s a lot more problems than needing a bow-drill
I can definitely tell you what the best animated comedies are
and if things ever take a turn for the worse
I’ll shoplift a bunch of Bic lighters and
start a fire in the woods faster than Bear Grylls anyway.
I think I make a damned fine Indoorsman.

A fort made out of pillows and blankets
is sexier anyway, you have to admit it.
It’s fun pickin’ for rocks in the hills
afterwards there’s something to be said
for the hoary cliche “Netflix and chill”
I don’t wanna shoot at all
let the first one to shoot be
not Greedo but rather Han
I think I’m pretty proud to be an Indoorsman.