History repeating itself. in Since OD is shutting down....

OK so I have a little bit of time before I have to go to work. I have to be there an hour early today, probably because they are short. I’m so glad to be back where I’m at and making real money. I was able to buy a couple new pairs of jeans today but they are a little bit snug so I’m gonna have to drop some pounds before I can wear them so they are comfortable. I bought a pair of Silvers about 4 months ago and they almost fit so goals are finally within reach.

So the whole Dan thing. I guess he talked about it some at work last night and my friend told me what he said. He said that he made me mad (wouldn’t tell her why) and because I’ve ignored him for 3 days (it wasn’t 3 days) that he’s just “done” and that’s fine with me. It’s just all the same problems as before and I just don’t have the time or energy to figure it out at this point. I work anywhere between 10-15 hours a week more than him and I just can’t devote the time or energy to worrying about it or trying to communicate with him. He basically got mad because I didn’t call him back Sunday night because I was fucking exhausted.

I just don’t want another relationship that’s on again off again. I did that with someone for 2 and a half years and I just can’t go through it once more. It’s just selfish of him to inflict his dog upon me, never want to have sex, and expect me to spend money like I have a disability check or my parents credit card. It’s bullshit that not only do I pay for myself, but end up paying for him too. I will say that he will buy me food and what not as well, but I spend way more than he does. He just doesn’t take into consideration that I have to work for EVERY FUCKING DOLLAR I make and if I am not smart with money, I’m going to end up in a very bad spot!

I just feel like he’s completely oblivious of the fact that I have my own work schedule, feelings, opinions, and emotions. It’s really frustrating when he tries to plan things around HIS schedule, not understanding that it’s probably not going to work because I have a fucking job too!! It’s all bullshit that I have to go through so much hassle packing shit to stay at his house because he can’t leave the dog alone all night because he’s afraid he’ll bark and piss off the neighbor! I honestly believe that he uses the dog as a barrier to keep things a certain way because he’s not really ready for a relationship.

It’s just annoying that we are always back and forth. Things are good for awhile and in the blink of an eye, we are back to not talking and me being deleted off Facebook. It’s like if things aren’t ALL HIS WAY then we break up. My friend told me last night that we can’t just break up over every little thing and I told her that every time we have a problem, he fucking checks out. I honestly don’t know how to communicate with him because every time I’ve tried, it just ends up with him pissed off and saying really rude things so I’ve learned to not say anything and just run.

I honestly feel like he’s more in love with his dog then he’ll ever be with me and I just get tired of his need for the damn thing to always be around. I get that’s all he’s had for so long but I just don’t understand how he thinks I should just be ok with the dog ALWAYS being with us! I seriously can’t stand this situation and I just don’t care to waste any more time trying to figure it out.

This might sound fucked up, but I don’t want to be with someone where I’m continuously spending money either. I don’t enjoy constantly eating junk when I have a fridge full of food at home. It’s wasteful, especially when I don’t want to eat that shit and it’s money going down the drain. It’s just crazy and disgusting that his diet consists of energy drinks, fast food, and soda. He’s also a diabetic and it’s just insane how much soda he downs everyday!!!!

It’s just great that we don’t work at the same location so I don’t have to see him everyday or even talk to him. I just think he’s really selfish in a lot of ways and doesn’t see me as an actual human being, which is just like my ex John. I also don’t like this inconsistent bullshit where we are good for awhile and then on the outs again. It’s just super unhealthy and I don’t plan to continue on with this. I am not going to deal with this anymore.

It’s like my friend told me once about how you can only go nowhere with the same person so many times and with Dan, we’ve been doing this shit for about 2 months now and I’m just so glad that things are this fucked in the beginning because it makes me glad I didn’t waste much time. I know I care about him and everything but I can’t be with someone like that. There’s no communicating with him and I can’t stand the dog situation. I was super annoyed and grossed out the other day when I wore a light colored shirt and it was COVERED in dog hair. Omg, so fucking nasty!!! But God forbid I say anything!!!

Anyways, I need to finish getting ready for work. Hopefully I’ll get off early enough to still have some energy to write later.