Describe your relationship with your mother (Advice would be appreciated) in Prompts

I saw this one a few days ago. I want to write it out but sometimes I just can’t bring myself to do it.

It’s a very love/hate relationship with my mom.

She’s an insufferable bitch. She is miserable and hates her life and takes it out on everyone else. She isn’t happy with my dad because he’s never around. He’s never around because all she does is yell at him. She yells at him because she’s upset and he’s never around.

She treats people like shit but then wonders why no one can stand her. All she does is yell and criticize and say stupid and offending things.

She told my aunt that it’s okay if one of her kids die because she has multiple. It would be so much worse for her because she only has me. Like, who the fuck says shit like that?

She calls me ugly. Says my forehead is too masculine and I’m fat (says the woman who had to get gastric bypass or would lose her legs). Tells me to put on makeup when we go to parties so I can look prettier than my cousins. She said I was a disappointment because I had to stay and extra semester at school. ‘Disowned’ me because I had a drink at a wedding…a week after I turned 21.

Then she says that I hate her. Yeah, sorry, I do, kind of. You treat me like shit even though I’m a pretty good daughter. I don’t do drugs, I go to school, I’ve been working and paying for my own things since I was 17. I get good grades, got a half scholarship to college, and have stayed out of trouble. The most I’ve ever done was let my grades slip during junior year. Instead of a 3.8 I got a 3.2 and everyone freaked out. Oh and when I was 13 I was talking to people on the internet and met one of them. Was it stupid? yes. Dangerous? Absoolutely.

I made a mistake. Almost 10 years ago.

AND SHE STILL FUCKING BRINGS IT UP.

Literally the other day when i got that weird note in the mail. She was like, “I knew you were still fucking around on the internet with people you don’t know. See what happens?” Like…seriously get over it. I made a mistake. I was young and dumb what do you want from me.

She gave me hell for a year because I was going away to college. “Why are you doing this to me? Why do you hate me so much? Why don’t you want to stay home?”

Fuck, I wonder.

I need to move out. As great and cheery as I seem on here I’m miserable. She’s insufferable and I hate living with her. She won’t let me move out. She wants me to get a mother-daughter house and move in with me and my husband once I reach that point in my life.

So you make my life a living hell, are controlling and quasi emotionally abusive....and expect that I stick around?

Then I am I still here?

I literally ask myself this every single fucking day.
I have this thing where I want to live my own life. I’m miserable at home. I’m going insane with this stupid fucking commuting between states every other day to go to work and school with only wednesdays off, and not even allowed to sleep in.

But, I want to make her happy. I get really upset when she yells at me even if I know I didn’t do anything wrong. The only way to do that is to do everything she says and the way she wants them. But I can’t. If I do I’ll end up miserable and alone. No one likes her. All of my boyfriends hate her because they’ve seen how she treats me and held me while I cried because of her.

I let her do this to me.

I should just leave. I should move up here and live my life the way I want to and the way that will make me happy.

But then I think of my mother. Alone at home and miserable. She went through a lot to adopt me, to put me through elementary and high school. I feel bad just leaving her.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I would never call or visit. But that isn’t good enough for her. Nothing is.

Class is out I need to head home. I’ll write more later.

If you have any experience with this type thing or any advice. PLease. I would love to hear it.