Letting Go in Everything Else

Trying to figure out life is hard and exhausting work. I wonder if it ever ends. I say that because even in retirement, it seems my mom struggles with what she wants to do. So maybe we just never figure it out. I have been trying my hand at a lot of different things and now I think I am ready to just settle on something and devote my attention to that! I am tired of feeling like a failure for not completing this or that task.

While I love to write, I have not had anything that goes very far and as frustrating as that is, the thought of letting that go, at least for now, feels like it would be so freeing! I could just cross that off and make time for something that is more inspiring.

I have been playing with design work for the last couple of months and I am loving that creative spark. I also picked up my paper crafting again (not that I ever really let go of it) and after looking at a couple of issues of an industry magazine, I came to realize that my stuff is really good and I am really considering submitting some stuff after the first of the year. I am not trying to toot my own horn, I have had several people who LOVE their cards and this year’s batch of Halloween cards are really cool. I have tried new techniques and really just gone with my visions and they have turned out exactly was I had hoped they would.

I started a pair of fingerless mitts in September. I should be done with them, but I am not even half-way through the first mitt. I just have trouble sitting still long enough to knit them. By the time I am ready to sit still at night, it is late and knitting will put me straight to sleep at that point. I am going to have to create a weekly schedule for the next eight weeks or so to get stuff done for the holidays. Then I have to stick to it!

Speaking of exhausted, this week has been rough. Work has been filled with nothing buy random fuckery, clashing emotions, and time that seems to almost stand still. Last night I was unable to do anything. I had plans and then after dinner, I was able to turn on the computer and click on a couple of programs. I couldn’t even wait for them to fully load before I had to lay down for a bit. Then I couldn’t even get up. I couldn’t sleep, but I couldn’t do anything either. I finally just crawled into bed at 9:00 and went to sleep. I am feeling better right now, but I still have five and a half hours of work and anything can and probably will happen!