So hard to make this decision! in Side Effects

I haven’t slept for days, and I’m asking myself if I’m doing the right thing.

Years ago, I thought I was in love with Edie, the person I was about to marry. He seemed so nice, talked in such a delicate tone, seemed harmless. I realize now I wasn’t in love with him, just with the things he said to me, the things I wanted to believe. As soon as we were married, the tone of his voice changed…and I thought it was a joke. Days after we were married, he demanded I leave work early, instigating me to get in trouble at work. If i didn’t come otut in 5 minutes, he’d threaten to leave and go to his ex’s house. The psychological abuse continued from then on, and turned into physical abuse. He’d call me to ask what I’d made me for lunch, and if he didn’t like it, he’d eat at his ex’s (Julie).

Soon, his kids moved in with us. They were in 1st and 2nd grade, and I was pregnant. Long story short, I took care of them as best as I could for 5 years. They had everything they needed, food, clothing, homework, school supplies, cleats for the soccer team, etc. Everything....provided by me. His father paid Julie child support, yet they were always with me. Lots of times, I found out later, when I was home alone nights with the kids, and Edie was out “working” in the taxi, he was really crashing at Julie’s.
He didn’t take me to the doctor’s appointments during my pregnancy, he said for my mom to take me. So I commuted on a bus and walking a lot, because I was too embarrrassed to tell my mother. He didn’t take me to the hospital when I went into labor, he called my paretns to pick me up. He only called me a few hours before Cheslea was born, to ask where I kept my savings, just in case something happened because he was “scared”. She was born on a Friday night, my mother slept on the floor of the hospital room to look out for us, because Chelsea was born with complications. All saturday I stayed with my parents, and he never showed. In fact, he had slept over at Julie’s Friday and Saturday night because “he was scared to sleep alone. When I went back to my apartment on Sunday, I quickly found that all my savings were gone. GONE. he spent it all “drinking because he was so happy his daughter was born”.

For years he barely gave me money for the household, I took care of everything and he milked me. Anything his damn family needed, and I had to pay for it. Meanwhile, every CHristmas, I wasn’t allowed in the house, and neither was Chelsea. I’ll never forget my sadness that first Christmas, Chelsea was 5 weeks old. And he dumped me at my parents’ house for Christmas, and spent iwth his mom, his sister, Julie and the boys. And that was how all our Christmases went, for the 5 years of our marriage. Complete sadness.

He went through all my bank account statements and when he saw how much money I was making, he demanded I give it to him. I was “bad” for not giving him that money, becayse he was “struggling” so much working. I bougth a house, because I NEEDED to spend myu money, invest it in something, or else he would take it from me. By this time, I had already built with my own money, an additional room in Julie’s house, for the boys, because her house was a one bedroom. I did this so that they would go live with her. I also paid 1 year’s worth of her mortgage, because she was behind in payments.

I had no helpd from Edie at all. I had to walk 1 kilometer every morning, carrying Chelsea as a toddler, her backback, my laptop, to catch a bus to take her to daycare early in the morning, and then go to work. I worked my ass off all day, picked her up, took her to my parents’ house, and ketp working. His routine? He’d get up every morning to take the boys to school, then “work”, and at nigiht, he’d pick up Julie from work, eEVERY NIGHT, and tkae her home.

iN SHORT, I was tired of being the doormat, and I left him. At the moment of our divorce, he claimed he could only pay me $600 monthly, which is about 30% of what the law states is regular child support. I agreed thinking it was temporary.

He used to give Julie $1000 a month for the 2 boys, but they had breakfast lunch and dinner with me. They shwered at my house. I did all their laundry. I bought all the school supplies, I did all the homework and projects, etc. Plus the gave her rides every day and I was walking and taking the bus everywhere.

Here goes. He slacked on child support, and got to the point where he was giving me $200 a MONTH, which is about $20 dollars a month. With the excuse that “he couldn’t give more” When he was behind a year, I sued him. He cried, made a ton of excuses, kept telling the lawyers that he had 2 kids in junior high that needed more. I was a good person. I could have thrown him in jail, and my sister in law would have processed him. I did not want to do that. I did not want to put taht asshold in jail despite all the phsyical and psychologial abuse he put me through.

He owed me $7000 in child support, and started paying me $600 a month plus $100, as payuments to waht he owed me. So, $100 a month to pay off $7000???? Do the math! Menawhile, visitation rights were driving me crazy. Chelsea always came home agrressive towards me, whiny, always fighting. She was rude to Adrian (my husband). He puts all these ideas in her head, and me, my huband and Chelsea were in therapy. Why? So asshole could see her once a week? Why should he get privleges, what does he do to help Chelsea?

$600 a month is fucking lunch money. Adrian has been more of a father to her the past years than Edie ever was. 2 years ago he was “disabled” and had a knee operation. For months he didn’t pay me. Now supposedly he had a tumnor in his leg, and had another operatoin. This time 8 months went by and no deposit.

I felt bad, raelly bad. Maybe, just maybe he did have a tumor. But you know what? What about Julie, his mom, and his sister? They couldn’t help him out with the child support? Because, I sure as hell helped them all out A LOT and they were bitches. Bitches to me, bitches to Chelsea. Chelsea says her “grandmother” doesn’ even speak to her AT ALL. When they go to her house, she doesn’t say a word to Chelsea. I mean, coluldn’t they give him some money to say, “hey, go give your daughter something, at least lunch money”. But NOTHING FOR 8 MONTHS???????

I summoned him in court, and he showed up with 2 LAWYERS DEFENDING HIM. How’s that? AND his mother and sister as witnesses, that he has no money, that he barely gets by, that $20 pesos a day is enough, and that I should learn how to manage money better, because he wasn’t going to give me more for Chelsea.

FUCK YOU GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel bad, Chelsea idolizes her father, in part, because I never wanted to talk bad about him around her. The fights she witnessed, she pretty much blocked from her memory. She really worries about him, she thinks he’s really sick.

It hurts so much, but, I?m in the process of removing all parental rights, and his last name. It hurts like hell. Becaues I didn’t want this for Chelsea. I wanted her to havea normal happy life. I just don’t know how to explain this to her. Deep down I feel bad for her father, and wonder if this will phase him. maybe he doesn’t even really care about her. If he did, why was he so irresponsable? I cry every day, wondering if I’m doing the right thing. I just want those people out of her life. They never cared for her, never.

My in laws are THE GREATEST. they adore Chelsea, and always take her into consideration. This is the family I always wanted. I don’t want to impose my feelings on Chelsea, but as much as it hurts, I feel this is the right thing. I always procrastinate decisions like these and regret it in the end. This hurts so much